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Eh.

I mean... it sounds like a normal park. I don't feel engaged as a reader though. Nothing is happening. You're asking me to just sit and invent an image of a park in my head, which is kind of dull.

And, why should I care about YOUR favorite park? Why not challenge me to remember my favorite park? Directly challenge me to re-live the feel of the grass and the smells and the sounds of MY favorite childhood park. Ask how long it's been since I've seen it. Ask me to imagine what it might look like now. Only then will I feel like it's your turn to tell me about your park. Turn your boring monologue into a conversation, and I'll feel engaged.

Good luck with the rest! I hope I helped.

you may desire to quote particular examples of folk or activities. The thesis needs to furnish the reader some thought what the essay is going to be approximately. This has a notably advantageous condition, yet specifics might make it even more desirable. remember the thesis is the 1st skinny the reader sees and delivers him/her an thought of ways your paper would be! Specifics!!

I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm not into the 'happy little birds and laughing children' type of stories, it's not engaging me at all.

Hopefully, someone will come along and help you with this.

If not, then I'll come back and see if I can be of some help.

Good luck.

I am just going to change it a little bit to what I think may sound better. You can compare yours to the changed and decide what you want to do.

I have lived most of my life in the city, along with the stresses of city life that emerge. One place I find that relieves this stress is the local city park. Here, I can escape from all of my worries and relax while enjoying the nature. The smell of the fresh air, mixed with the smell of grass, transports me to another time, a time of my youth. Many memories return when I start to think about it (what? "it" here the reader is not sure what the "it" is, you must always assure your reader and avoid using pronouns when not needed). Birds chirp and squirrels climb trees at a lightning speed. I saw kids playing ball at a distance,and I automatically thought of how quickly time passed. It felt like it was yesterday when I was a little child running around. This particular park brings back so many memories, my brother, friends and I used to go there all the time. Even though I’ve been going to the same exact spot for about eight years, I haven’t noticed many differences, except the growth of the trees. The sun was still shining like … what can I say there?

Okay.

No offense, but this seriously needs some work.

Professor you say?

If this is a college level paragraph you need to definately improve on your writing skills. I changed a few things but some of the incorrect mistakes I just left because I was unsure of what you were trying to imply to the reader. Your main comfusing mistake is a common one that most people make, and that is the changing of tense. You must always remain in the same tense when writing...here I will show you what I mean...

I have lived (past tense) most of my life in the city and one place I find that can take away the stresses of city life is the local park. It’s the place that I can escape from all of my worries, just sit there relax and enjoy the nature. The smell of the fresh air, mixed with the smell of grass, transports (now you have switched to present tense...in order to keep past tense you must say "the smell of the grass transported..." me to another time, a time of my youth, so many memories come flooding (now you are still in present...if you want to write this paragraph in present tense that is fine, but you muct change your past tense situations into the same tense) back when I start thinking about it. Birds chirping (present tense)and squirrels climbing trees at a lightning speed, is something that will always be a part of that environment. As I saw (see now you switch back to past tense and instead of sayinf "see" you say "saw'...you must choose your tense for this paragraph" kids playing (now your in present) ball at a distance, I automatically thought of how quickly time passed, and how it felt like it was yesterday when I was little running around. This particular park brings back so many memories, as my brother, friends and I used to go there all the time. Even though I’ve been going to the same exact spot for about eight years, I haven’t noticed (and you have once again switched back to past tense) many differences, except some of the trees being larger. The sun was still shining like … what can I say there?

See what I mean? You did ALOT of tense switching and it confuses the reader as to if you ARE doing this as of right now, or you already DID this in the past.

And you have a couple of unnecessary commas and run on sentences that I fixed in the first paragraph, but you must know that I have not fully corrected it because it is impossible until you decide what tense you put your paragraph in.

Okay as for my final revise....

I have lived most of my life in the city, along with the stresses of city life that emerge. One place I find that relieves this unbarrable stress is the local city park. Here, I can escape from all of my worries and relax while enjoying the nature. The smell of the fresh air, mixed with the smell of the bright green grass, transported me to another time, a time of my youth. Many memories returned when I started to think about my childhood. Birds chirped and squirrels climbed trees at a lightning speed. I saw kids play ball at a distance,and It automatically forced me to realize how quickly time passed. It felt like yesterday. I was a little child that ran around in the exact area. This particular park brought back so many unnforgotten memories. My brother, my friends, and me (only use I with two subjects)used to go there all the time (what did yall do??? Don't switch subjects so randomly). Eight years have past and I still come here to relieve my stress, to refresh my childhood memories. The sun was still shining, the birds were still chirping, and the squirrels were still climbing. Nothing had changed.

Hope I helped.

Add more alot more detail. You switch subjects to randomply without a transition. First your subject is how the park relieves stress...then you go to how it brings back memories....if he park does two special things you must inncorporate a conclusion pertaining to both of the subjects. You cannot simply just talk about how it relieves your stress and then jump to your memories and then totally forget about the stress it relieves...then your readers are like "What about your stress?". Im going to revise this once more as an example of what you can do. Because I do not know what exactly you want to say, you dont have to use this paragraph if you do not want to. It is just an example.

This is beginning is more interesting. you have started an arguement " I loathe stress" This makes the reader think "Why?" and forces he or she to read on in your paragraph. Also, It mentions what kind of stress you are talking about. If you engaged the reader into what kind of stress you are talking about, the reader can feel that stress and relate to what you are discussing.

Also the question thrown in there is mainly for you to have a more interesting sentence structure throughout the paragraph. Before, you had the same sounding sentences. This bores the reader with your writing.

I loathe stress. Living a life in the city isn't easy. The fast springing cars, the high population of people, and the 24/7 commotion, are just not subjects one can relax upon. How do I relieve myself? I take a stroll through the peaceful city park. Here, I can escape from all of my worries and relax while I enjoy the nature. The smell of the fresh air, mixes with the smell of the bright green grass. I transport to another time, a time of my youth. Many memories return when I think about my childhood. While birds chirp and squirrels climb trees at a lightning speed, I see kids play ball at a distance,and It automatically forced me to realize how quickly time passed. It felt like yesterday. I was a little child that ran around in the exact area. This particular park brought back so many unnforgotten memories (You keep saying these "memories" WHAT MEMORIES?) (Plus you already said it brings back memories in a previous sentence: "This particular park brought back so many memories" DONT REPEAT YOURSELF) . My brother, my friends, and me (only use I with two subjects)used to go there all the time (what did yall do??? Don't switch subjects so randomly). Eight years have past and I still come here to relieve my stress, to refresh my childhood memories. The sun was still shining, the birds were still chirping, and the squirrels were still climbing. Nothing had changed.

I loathe stress. Living a life in the city isn't easy. The fast springing cars, the high population of people, and the 24/7 commotion, are just not subjects one can relax upon. How do I relieve myself? I take a stroll through the peaceful city park. Here, I can escape from all of my worries and relax while I enjoy the nature. The smell of the fresh air, mixes with the smell of the bright green grass. I transport to another time, a time of my youth. Many memories return when I think about my childhood. While birds chirp and squirrels climb trees at a lightning speed, I see kids play ball at a distance,and It automatically forces me to realize how quickly time passes. It feels like yesterday. I was a little child that ran around in the exact area. My brother, my friends, and me used to go here all the time. Eight years have past and I still come here to relieve my stress, to refresh these cherished memories. As my mind wonders on these thoughts, I relax and relieve my stress and sll the while, the sun still shines, the birds still chirp, and the squirrels still climb. Nothing has changed.

If you keep rewriting your paragraph over and over again you will done what I have....gradually changing it up to make it sound better. You can even change the last one I wrote with more detail about your child hood memories etc. Good luck.

Sorry this might have not gotten to you before you had to turn your paper in, but this will still help you with your writing in the future.