Hello everyone, I'm 17 and 3 months pregnant. I don't want to do it but I feel that I can give my little one a better life by letting someone else love her(or him) than I can by keeping her. So I would really appreciate stories about anyone's experiences with adoption, wether you placed a child with a family, adopted a child, are trying to adopt, or were adopted. Thank you, I'm trying to do the right thing for my little one.
I posted this earlier and want a little more feedback, I'm also going to add a little bit of info
I have no support from my family or from the baby's dad, and his family they've all tried to get me to have an abortion. I could never do that. My parents told me if I keep my baby I will not be welcome in their house. I'll have no where for my child or I to go, the baby would be born at a time that would make graduating on time impossible and If I don't graduate then I won't be able to get a good job and provide for her, I'm also planning to have an open adoption so I know where she is and can still be involved in her life to a certain degree, she will know that I made the choice because I love her.
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
First, confirm absolutely that you are pregnant, by going to an ob-gyn if you have not already done that.
Next, when you are certain you are pregnant, go directly to a competent attorney who works with adoptions, in what ever state you live in, and let that attorney direct your next move.
If you need financial help, there are several federal and state programs which will help you with the cost of delivery, pre-natal care, living expenses, and post-partum costs. Talk to your local state aid/welfare/aid to dependent children office.
Here is some free advice, the father of the child is responsible for the child, just as you are, not his parents, not your parents, although your parents MAY be responsible for you, unless you are an emancipated minor, either by choice or de-facto. By the same token, you will need to id the father on the birth certificate, although there are some situations where that is not required, and if that male identified as the father of the child either admits to that paternity, or is proven by genetic match to be the father, then he MUST give consent to adoption, and he MUST sign off on that adoption. His rights must be protected also, but his responsibility financially is real, and certain, and cannot be abrogated except through his death, adoption of the child by another party, or by the childs death. By the same token you have that same responsibility.
As far as "open adoptions" go, their validity depends upon the jurisdiction you reside in, so for certain, get competent legal advice from a licensed attorney.
You can "plan on" an open adoption all you want, but the reality is that open adoptions are not legally enforceable in many states. That means that the PAPs can promise visits, letters, pictures, and phone calls, but as soon as the adoption is final, they can move away and leave no forwarding address and THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. The vast majority of so-called "open" adoptions close within two years.
You say you have no support. Get some. Email me privately and I can help you find aid in your county. Your parents cannot legally kick you out if you're under 18 (they also can't force you to abort or give the baby away, either). If you have the baby before you turn 18, you have every right to continue living at your parents' house. It's great that you want to graduate and I think you should, but there is nothing wrong with graduating a semester or a year later than planned if you're raising a child. Your school may even have a program for young mothers to attend with their children.
Don't fall prey to the myth of open adoptions. Some people honor them, but most don't. It's worth the struggle. Raise your baby yourself and you will never regret it. However, I guarantee you will regret giving her away...every day for the rest of your life.
Hello,
I'm an adoptive parent with a very open adoption. I decided to write to you because it sounds like you are looking for experiences from all sides. Our son's birthmother was about your age whens she placed her child with us for adoption. From the beginning she knew that she wanted an open adoption. We also wanted an open adoption, all though I admit now that I wasn't sure what that really meant or how that was going to work. I realize that a lot of people have negative experiences, it's true, I hear stories about adoptive parents lying and closing an adoption that was supposed to remain open. It hurts me every time I hear a story like this. I can't imagine being in a closed adoption. It just doesn't seem fair to my child. He gets to grow up knowing his story and how much he is loved. Our son's birthmother does not have a lot of support from family. The past 3 years she has become a part of our family. We just spent this past weekend with her. My son loves her so much and we can't imagine our family without her. I just wanted to share with you that open adoptions can and do work. It's tragic when they don't. I started an open adoption facebook group mostly to help adoptive parents see that it doesn't have to be so scary. A few birthmothers have joined the group as well. Check it out and request an invite if you are truly interested in open adoption. I also recommend finding a birth mothers support group and visiting with a counselor. Resources are available to help you with whatever you decide to do. Best of luck. Some people say that adoption is taking the easy way out, it's not. My son's birthmom always said that if she loved him even an ounce less she would not have had the strength to do it. You've got a difficult path ahead of you. If you are even a little bit religious start praying now. You are going to need all the help you can get with whatever decision you make.
I agree that if you do want to keep and parent your baby, there are many resources available to help. I don't know what area you live in but if you live in an area with United Way go to their website and use their 211 help. Here is a link to United Way that will let you put in a zip code to find your nearest one: http://apps.unitedway.org/myuw/luindex.cfm Many open adoptions do not stay open.
Having said that, if you have decided on adoption it can be a very loving gift to your child and is certainly unselfish. I have several cousins that are adopted, and I am in the process of adopting a 16 year old now. She is the light of my life. I love her with all my heart. We've had hard times but I wouldn't change it for the world. I am single and never married. I wanted to be a mother. God sent me this child.
I really encourage you to speak to someone impartial. Someone who can help you know what you want and can do who will not lead you towards parenting or adoption, but will help you make your own decision that you think is best for both you and your child, and someone that can help you carry out your decision, no matter what it might be.
Good luck.
I answered your previous question but add to it here.
You can't guarantee your child will have a better life. You can't guarantee an open adoption will stay open. The adopters might divorce, might lose their home and job(s), they might abuse your child (not common but it does happen), they might never tell your child she is adopted.
Your baby's father is just as responsible to financially pay for your child's upkeep and there are resources that can help you keep your baby. I hope some adoptees answer your question as I know from my own experience my son believed I didn't want him or love him. He suffers with abandonment and rejection issues as well. I have always loved my son and he knows now that I wanted to raise him which as added to his issues as he feels that he was lied too all his life.