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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

Poke-her-face

A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

'Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?'

'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.'

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, 'It looks like you have seen a lot of action.'

'Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.'

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, 'You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.'

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, 'You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!"

She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, 'Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955.'

The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, 'I Hope Not; It's only 2130 now.'

Ok so, a white guy, a black guy, and a mexican are walking down a beech. They find a magic lamp and rub it, out comes a genie, and grants them each a wish. The black guy say he wants all of his fellow blacks back in Affrica and happy, so poof and they are all back in Africa. The genie asks the mexican what he wants, he says he wants all of his fellow mexicans back in mexico and happy, so poof and they are all back in Mexico. Then the genie asks the white guy and he says, so all the blacks are in Africa and all the Mexicans are in Mexico, and nnot in america? The genie says yes. the white guy says ok...ill just have a coke then.

A little boy was passing by his parent's bedroom and caught them having sex.

Boy: "Mommy! What are you two doing?"

Mother: "Daddy and me are trying to make you a baby brother or sister."

Boy:"Yo Dad! Do her doggie style, I want a puppy instead!"

If a turtle loses his shell, would he be naked or homeless?

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

answer: I'll tell you later