I ask "how to make friends" questions a lot. I live in a miserable unsociable area with few people my age and I have no local friends but I don't feel like many people really get my problem as most people make loads of assumptions that really aren't true for me.
1. I should just "get out there" and try to chat to people (complete strangers).
Where I live no one is interested in anyone outside of their immediate family and friends. When you try to chat to someone you don't know they just regard you as a complete weirdo and it gets you nowhere.
2. I should start by hanging out with my family and neighbors.
My family don't all live in the same area as me in an idealistic 1950s style way. I have lived in my street for 10 years (not counting the 3 years at university) and no ever talks to or has anything to do with each other.
3. I should just join more clubs or equivalent.
Believe it or not I don't have access to an unlimited amount of clubs. There are 2 Leisure centers I can reasonably get to, each with only one class per day, which equals 14. I have to work with what I have got but it is really not working. All I have achieved by joining these clubs is a group of acquaintances all of which are a lot older and don't really want to meet up and hang out anyway.
4. Just move/go somewhere else.
I don't have enough money to just move to another town or buy a car and drive to another area. What am I supposed to do? Turn up at a London homeless shelter and say "well I do have a home but I fancied the city life"?
5. Make friends on the internet
I am still in touch with my uni friends online. We try our best to meet up but its difficult with us all living all over the place. I already have internet friends I cant see. I don't need more.
Can anyone out there relate to this. How do you cope living somewhere like this with no friends.
Update:xXxSarahxXx
That just comes under the first section.
Answers & Comments
Psychologists who studied the apparent contradiction between the expressions "birds of a feather flock together" versus "opposites attract" found that the former is true, not the latter. In practical terms, this means that IF you find someone with similar beliefs and interests (regardless of age), friendship will be natural.
What I'm saying is, before you solve the problem of "where/how to find people," you need to first consider the kind of people who you want to find, because you will like them and they will like you. Otherwise, meeting random people under random circumstances is hit and miss.
Once you explicitly realize what you believe and what your interests are, create a more targeted approach.
Your town may not be large enough to have many "meetup.com" groups, but if so, search the various categories of meetups and attend one.
If there are no meetup groups that share your interests, try creating your own group (online may not work). I started a Bible study group via an advert in the local newspaper. A few people who wanted to study the Bible showed up after a few weeks, and these people, in turn, led me to more people of similar disposition. This is an example of taking the initiative to create a forum where like-minded people might find each other.
Your career and/or talents can also open some doors. For example, if you are good at playing the piano, then offer some music lessons: the kind of people who visit you are obviously somewhat interested in music. Some of them may not be compatible with you at all, but at least your chances are increased.
Hope that helps!
Do the leisure center thing...it may be only one class per day or whatever, but you can keep talking to the same people every time you go and eventually makes friends. You can bring up this movie you're dying to see (just an example) and then if they wanna see it too, be like "Well, do you want to go with me?" That's how you make new friends.
go to a cafe