I'm going to run for school president but I need a good speech. I want something humerous, smart, and I want everyone else to get the impression that,"Wow this guy is good, I want to vote for him. Please Help!!
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Your best option is to listen around and hear what your peers are complaining about most. Focusing on the biggest "issues" will show your ability to prioritize and do what's best for your class. Only mention the issues that you can do something about if elected. If you say you can fix all of the problems, while only able to fix some of the more minimalistic ones, you will be a hated and possibly impeached class president, if you're lucky enough to get elected. Next, find the holes in your opponents' pitches, and use them to your advantage. This part isn't crucial, but it's really good to know. Next, make sure your speech is either first or last. If you feel it's solid and sticks to the mind extremely well, go first. If you want to shoot down your opponents and their arguments, go last. This way, they'll be able to judge whether or not your claims have legitimate basis behind them. Also, look for the ringleaders of cliques. If you can sway their vote by pertaining to what they need in a president, you can sway the whole group.
Most importantly, EVERY VOTE MATTERS. Do not consider one group unworthy of your pitch and your cause. Everyone has friends. Most all of these friends have friends. It's pretty easy to see where I''m going with this.
Good luck.