I have very low self esteem at times and am obsessed with a man who I've never felt such strong feelings for in my life. Lust yes, yet a true connection with such awesome chemistry. I believe one minute wholeheartedly that this man is very attracted to me & semi obsessed with me too. He is married. I never would have thought I would be attracted to a married man. We're both nice people and yet that it makes no sense to say that. I am a very paranoid person, thinking my attraction to this man will show through like glass and I often feel he really isn't attracted to me. I guess I just need to know at this point in time that he could have feelings for me, too. We email each other like crazy obsessed people, but all in fun & innocence. This has went on for months. Do you think that given I'm a paranoid person that he probably isn't attracted to me or is my gut instinct right? I never trust my gut when it comes to matters of the heart and sometimes I am wrong.
Update:He has asked me to lunch twice, but that was about three months ago. He asked me to lunch once with a coworker, but I said I was too busy, even when he pressed the issue. The next time I made myself so busy at a company luncheon, ignoring him and he just stayed there waiting for me to come up to him, which I didn't. He made sure to innocently ask me to lunch those two times. We talk, but not very deep. He posted a funny picture of himself on my desk, as a surprise joke. I'm not sure if I'm am too standoffish, as I sure can be. Maybe that is why he is. A couple of my friends at work have noticed him staring at me and they're right on target there. He emails me sometimes from home. He appears to be happily married as I've seen them both together. She doesn't know we email. He is not a flirt in the office with others. He is a nice person. Am I reading into things too much? Thx.
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Wow. He probably is atttracted to you. But he is married. Unless you want his wife to find out and you to never be able to see him again, then just Keep it on a flirty but friendly level. But its not paranoia. He just might like you. You shouldnt continue the email thing though. Its too risky. Keep it face to face. Wives get so jealous. You shouldnt have low self esteem. I doubt that youre ugly. After all, a man is risking his marriage over you. Pick youre head up. Just do not make any passes at him.
It is a good idea to not mess w/ a married man. This could cause far reaching problems, & may damage innocent lives such as his children.
I am sensing that you are taking this too far, & a person who has low self esteem issues, sometimes become...well... desperate.
I know, because I've had low self esteem for years upon years, & I would "latch" onto a girl, until she got sick of it & kicked me to the curb. Believe me, I know what you're going through in some ways.
Okay, sorry but I cant help but be judgemental, but I'll leave it for the end :] What I think is that you should just be the way you are, if you have low self-esteem then that means you need to find someone who actually loves you and you know it. As in, they've said it or say it often. As for the married man, you may email, but do you ever see him and really connect with him? You need to get to know him much better before you start "cavorting" with him.
NOW my judgemental comment. HE'S MARRIED! Dammit, think about his WIFE! Poor poor thing, do you know how much its going to hurt her? And for all you know, he's just friends with you, just friendly emaling you. And if you think he's flirting with you, it could be unintentionally. If he's like an obsession to you, leave him alone. Its sickening. You're not in love, find the one for you. Stay FAR FAR away from married men. They're supposed to already be in love. Leave them alone
Just because he is married doesn't mean he doesn't find you attractive. You just can't be with him. It can't go into anything. I know that saying you should stop thinking about him is a cliche thing to say. Your seretonine levels are low in your brain which is giving you obbessive thoughts of him (common in lust or love). You must wait it through.
I know how you feel though. This happens to me lots. Except they aren't married (but I'm only in high school so most people aren't yet). Usually the guy is in a happy relationship in my case.
This is an obssession with no happy ending. What you are feeling is a strong attraction to someone who is paying attention to you. You are fantasizing that he is your perfect man when he is far from it because he is married. You are in love with the idea of having a man completely obssessed with you. It is not this man. He is getting off on the idea of having an affair, even if it is just an email affair, that his wife doesn't know about.
It's so easy to fall in love with the idea of being in love without giving objective, serious thought to the object of your affection. Understand that many people will encourage your obssession without returning your feelings just to build their ego. I think that is what this man has been doing.
Even if a guy is single, you have to take time to get to know them, see them in good times and bad, watch how they respond under pressure, to truly know how compatible you are and if you really love everything about them.
do NOT go for it.. he's married.. he's in love.. respect that, don't be a homewrecker!