I have asked this question before awhile ago but I'd like others opinions. Anything you have to say about these paragraphs would be great. Do you think the story has any potential for you?
The silence of dawn rang through the winter air and all was good. Then the silence was consumed. All was no longer good, it would never be the same. The street was littered with the bodies of men, women, children and animals alike. At first glance, it looked like the end. The end of humanity as we know it. But upon closer inspection, one body was moving, the body of a child, young enough so as to be of innocent nature but old enough so that the occasional memory can be saved. Suddenly there was a noise like the folding of paper, only amplified and lower pitched. And then there was a man. He wore a long dirty blue hood contrasting against a bright red robe. Although only small, he towered over the boy. Quick as a flash he enveloped the boy in his robe protecting him from the dust rising from the debris. The noise repeated and both man and child were gone. No signs of the event were left behind, earth had lost its last inhabitant.
When the child awoke he was met by a harsh light revealing an even harsher reality. The room was warm but the utilitarian furniture and business-like colours of the walls upset the child. And he began to cry. Two perhaps two and a half the man thought despite his best efforts. He had watched the cradle, in which the child had just awoke, from the darkness of the doorway. The man did not always agree with the draconian measures of the Human Relations Council but this was a fact he would take to his grave. The man made pained foot steps towards what he had avoided for the past two hours and promptly he was standing over the cradle. He lowered his hood revealing an expression of pity and empathy. It was at this moment that the boy and the man formed a bond. Not said and not thought, but this man would be the father of this boy. The man shed his first tear since childhood. "Sorry," he muttered. The man vividly remembered his single visit to earth. The art and the literature had fascinated him. He loved all music, art and writing but most of all he loved the Vitruvian Man. "Leonardo" he said almost inaudibly as he grasped the boys hand. "Leonardo" he repeated.
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Answers & Comments
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Wow. This is great! Make this a book please so i can buy it and read it! The only thing is that you use goood twice so like maybe change that bit but apart from that.
Bravo!
Hope this helps :)
H x
what my instructor tells me is describe the animal without telling what the animal is you do no longer ought to assert it rather is a cat only describe the circulation and the seems of it. its very good yet in a different way of suggesting movment is to apply a caesure it is to apply commors it is an occasion from only slightly poetry - A fox’s nostril touches twig, leaf; you may experience the fox is surfing around and sniffing and watching those issues. desire this helps good success