me and my girlfriend have been going out for 4 months. i havent looked at porn since just before we started going out, until the other night. we had been (naughtily) webcamming, but then we decided to go to sleep. i couldnt sleep because i was horny, so i stupidly decided to look up some porn, masturbated and went to sleep. long story short, she looked through my history and confronted me about it, so i decided to lie about it, saying it wasnt me. eventually she became more suspicious, so i told her it was me who did it, and she broke up with me. she has a big problem with me if i lie (trust stuff), so the lying really didnt help. and early in the relationship she said no porn. she has no problem with masturbation. and our sex life was awesome, absolutely no problem there, im still very attracted to her sexually. i still love her and she still loves me, so im wondering how i can try to fix it. every time we talk about it she says things like i basically cheated on her, and saying i must no longer be attracted to her if i did this, but thats not true. i really want to fix this, no please no replies of "delete your internet history" or "get a new girlfriend". i need serious answers
Update:by the way, things in the bedroom never really went down hill, i was just frustrated that one night so i looked up the porn. im really trying to get things right
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
You should try to talk to her about why she has such a problem with porn. Since the two of you have an awesome sex life, she should know that you looking at porn doesn't mean you aren't attracted to her. You need to explain that looking at porn is not like cheating on her. You are committed to her and you love her, but you are aroused by viewing sexual acts. This isn't exactly unnatural or weird, almost everyone is!
But definitely try to figure out why she feels so threatened by the porn. Maybe she had an ex who did have a serious addiction to porn. Perhaps he turned to porn for sexual fulfillment instead of her, and she is worried about that happening again. Or maybe she has low self-esteem and feels that when you look at women in porn, you are more attracted to them than her. Maybe what you think is an awesome sex life isn't fulfilling to her. Maybe she wants MORE sex! Ty to figure out why she is so threatened by porn and explain to her why you enjoy it.
You could suggest viewing porn together (female friendly porn- romantic, softer) and see how she reacts. Maybe if she sees couple-porn and becomes aroused, she can understand how you enjoy it so much and still remain committed to her and in love with her.
If you both love each other, there is no reason why you shouldn't try to work it out. Watching porn on occasion is no reason to break up with each other! If that is the biggest problem in your relationship, you should both be very happy. :) Most couples aren't so lucky!
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well i would tell her you were bored and it wasn't physical cheating, you were just frusterated and you werent trying to hurt her feelings, and was scared to admit the truth that you were weak and looked it up.
be honest to why you did it, how you felt about it,and tell her that some little porn shouldnt keep you guys apart. if she loves you, she will work with you. no one is perfect but if you guys had a good thing, why should she let something so little bother her. its not cheating, cheating is when you touch someone,kiss,etc and cheating is when you verbally say sexual things to someone on the phone or net. all you did was use your imagination and jerk off. excessive porn is bad but a little gives ideas for new things to try out. but tell her, that you will try to respect her wishes but tell her if she loves you, she must accept your flaws.
only big problem is that you lied but if you were scared, then maybe she will understand. if she doesnt have the heart to forgive you,if she cant accept you,and all, then find someone else. you need a girl who knows you, who wont give up on you,and knows how to forgive. its not like you went out,screwed a girl,or anything. but if you want a good relationship with her, start off good and be 100 percent honest. dont try to say things she wants to hear, tell her if she wants to be happy with you, and loves you, she needs to learn how to forgive and accept you.
if she cant do that,then you need to realize that she is moving on and you have to move on also
From a womans perspective. I understand what she means. It feels wired when your boyfriend needs to look at another woman to ... Let's say stimulate... Themselves.
Tell her the truth, you didn't do it because you weren't attracted to her, it was after you guys were playing on the webcam. Tell her you love her and you know she loves you. You want to redem yourself and that you just want to be with her. You won't watch it again until she is comfortable, I he will be. And that's all you can do.
you are going to have to gain her trust, and why did you lie in the first place after she warned you not to, it may be hard to do but if you really want another chance you are going to show her that you can be truthful in every way to get her back. explain that to her that you are only trying to get things right then may be she will forgive you. explain why you were looking at porn.
Trust damaged is hard to repair. Here is a solution Software on your computer that prohibits adult sites that have porn. Let he know that gaining her trust back is some important that you have installed this adn you welcome her looking at your history anytime.
Second inform her that because she wants your total energies you will be waking her if needs be to take car of all your sexual needs. Further you will allow her to check up on you anytime and you will never be insulted. In return you expect a willing and eager partner which it sounds like she was.
Most guys look at porn, whether they have girlfriends or not. If my boyfriend called me up every time he wanted sex, I'd make him look at porn and take care of it himself after a day or two. Its normal. Just start telling her every time you want a little somethingsomething, and after a week or two, tops, she'll tell you to do it yourself.
I think you should be just be honest. I mean, it is kind of her fault. She left you sexually frustrated! Your only human, she'll understand. I hope she does. Good Luck :)
Tell her the truth. If she loves you she will forgive you , but if shes just dating for fun , then leave her.