It's been a rough year and it seems like one bad event opens up the door for several more. It's awful.
I was diagnosed with anxiety at first - which I know isn't the case, and apparently I've been 'cured' according to my psychiatrist and because of this, my parents refuse to seek me out any more help because they think I'm better and that the problem isn't rooted any deeper than that.
I don't know if I'm depressed, because I seem to be managing things well enough, but the thing is that I don't feel anything anymore. All of my actions are falsified and I wear a mask to hide what lies beneath. My smiles are not genuine and my laughter is forced. I don't feel pain anymore and it seems as if I am not susceptible to being hurt emotionally. Even pain and sorrow would be better than feeling dead.
Seeing a psychiatrist is out of the question. I've tried to find things that I love to do, but they don't help me. Any opportunity I had to fulfill my dreams is now nonexistent. Right now, there is no bright side...just nothing. Also, I don't want to hear that I should turn to God or anything like that because I'm not a religious person and have no intention of becoming one because it isn't going to change things.
Does anyone have any advice? Practically anything will be appreciated. ):
Answers & Comments
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I've felt this way many times in my life. The whole state of "dead-ness" is another part of depression. I have had depression for as long as the beginning of my teens. I'm now 24 and I feel like I still havent' gotten to that point in my life where I am satisfied with myself. Why is that? due to my depression, I've been unable to finish up a college or university degree, have not properly planned out a career that I'd work hard for and each week, I find myself being stuck in this rut, not really progressing.
Tomorrow I will speaking to a counsellor because that's what I've chosen to do now in order to get started on my recovery. I've taken meds before but I'm not taking them now because they havent really helped me much. It's simply not enough to take them. Talking to a counsellor to get things straightened out is what I hope to start with. If I were you, I'd speak to a counsellor if not for a psychiatrist. Being online, just talking to people about what's bothering is just not enough. If you're like me and NEED that PERSONAL interaction, to discuss openly about this issue, I'd speak to a counsellor.
Although I'm a Christian myself and would like to include the spiritual aspect of this because it has helped me in some way or another, I don't think it would be of much help to tell one who refuse to believe in God. If you refuse to believe that he exists, then you're not likely to see what he's doing in your life. Like miracles. For a Christian, this shouldn't be hard to miss but because of depression, sometimes I don't notice it unless someone points it out. But there are some things that are more helpful when you have that spiritual connection than I ever would find with researching for answers online and taking medication.
What advice could I give you? Well, perhaps try to see a counsellor and talk things through with him/her. Start with that and whatever advice they give you, then work through it one day at a time. I know I'll do the same as well 'cause I'm going to take that first step tomorrow.
edit: the reason why I'm choosing to see a counsellor now is because I want to get myself properly diagnosed, in order to receive the right treatments and presciptions. This is my first time in over 10 years talking to a counsellor.
What you describe is anhedonia, a symptom sometimes found with depression.
I'm not telling you what kind of treatment you should have. I'm just saying that there are lesser-known treatments for depression that can help, and that you should know about them. There's a lot of nonsense on the Internet about about alternate treatments, and you might associate that term with snake oil and good luck charms. A common sense approach is to look for things that have are supported by scientific evidence and have low costs and risks.
Dr. Stephen Ilardi of the Univ. of Kansas has been studying lifestyle and mood and developed a program for stress, anxiety, and depression. He explains it in his book The Depression Cure. He emphasizes the advantage of engaging in enjoyable activties, but there's more to the program that. You can be anhedonic and take fish oil capsules, use a therapy lamp, exercise, and improve your sleep pattern.
Amazon customers have given 5-star ratings to the Ilardi book, 22 out of 23 customers (one gave it 4 stars).
http://www.amazon.com/Depression-Cure-6-Step-Progr...
The following is a quote from an alernative web site, Healthy Holistic Living.
"Some anhedonia sufferers have found relief from their symptoms by the following holistic health strategies:
Yoga
Increased physical activity
Fresh air and sunlight
Regular deep, restorative sleep
Actively seeking to increase time spent with others
Goal setting"
At the Univ. of Massachusetts, Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn developed a program that makes use of traditional Asian methods that's now offered in about 200 hospitals and clinics in the U.S, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction. He describes it as a type of yoga. He offers the program in his popular book Full Catastrophe Living.
http://www.shareguide.com/Zinn.html
There is disagreement among the experts about the effectiveness of over-the-counter sleep aids, but melatonin seems to be the best. My doctor has recommended it to me and I buy it at Walgreens, which sells it without other ingredients. The Handbook of Self-Help Therapies says that a number of books for insomnia are based on proven self help, such as Can't Sleep, Can't Stay Awake: A Woman's Guide to Sleep Disorders by Dr. Meir Kryger.
Cognitive therapy is gaining support as a psychotherapy for depression. You can find out about it in the book most professionals recommend for depression, The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David D. Burns. Studies cited in the book on self help say that Burns has helped depressed adults, teenagers, and elderly in clinical studies.