I am 25, married for 2 years. I have no sex drive at all. I am taking anti-depressants which I heard can cause this. My husband and I do have some marital problems...his biggest one is that I don't want to have sex. The truth is I enjoy sex once I am doing it..but the thought of it just never excites me.
In addition, we really do not hug or kiss or say I love you. I don't initiate it ever and when my husband asks I usually say no..we have sex maybe twice a month! Is this b/c of my medication? Or, could it be something else (like maybe I don't love him?) Shouldn't I want to do this?
Update:I guess I should have clarified that I am on an anti-depressant for panic disorder (I used to have panic attacks when I was in college). It is not for depression. I do want to discontinue but my attacks can be debilitating. Trust me, if I could I would!!
Answers & Comments
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My wife and I have been married for 9 years and our life together is great.
Every part of our life is perfect because we have been blessed with each other.
Sex is fantastic as it was the first time. What we do is frequent touching, foreplay starts as I help her with dishes or as soon as I walk in the door. Open communication and a pure desire to make each other happy and to see to the needs of our 7 year old son keeps us active.
You have a good point with your concern about your meds but I believe that it is also a loss of intimacy that fuels your lack of desire.
More importantly, why are you on meds ?
Only you know if you love him or not, keep in mind that sex is physical and love is emotional.
Good luck with both.
Maybe you can ask the doctor to lower the dosage or maybe try another pill. You should know if you love your husband or not. Some people just aren't sexual people. Sex isn't a big deal to them. But if you do in fact love him then I suggest trying to have sex with him more then twice a month. The two of you may need to see a marriage counselor. What you won't do another woman will and I hate to tell you this but if love doesn't soon come back into the marriage he'll go elsewhere to get it. And why don't the two of you say I love you?? That has nothing to do with having sex.
My wife is similar to you, except I have accepted her lies and foolery for 12 years not 2. I've tried to talk to her and she won't discuss it. At least you are making some attempt. Most likely it is psychological and is not related to your health or to your antidepressants. It is related to your intuition about you and him .... you subconsciously don't want to have sex until your lives have evolved. Neither of you know what this means, nor should you know. Most people can get over it and have sex anyway. Nothing is wrong with you, you're just honest.
My best suggestion is to give him a hand job once a week. Tell him you want to try that, and ask him to lay there and not move. If it was me, that would be better than nothing. In my opinion, if a woman can lift a screwdriver or play tennis, she should be able to give a hand job. If there are excuses about "i'm not in the mood"... well, i think it's ridiculous that you couldn't massage him.
Don't force yourself to have intercourse, though.
If you do nothing, be warned. After about 9 years I wanted to put my wife's head through the wall. I didn't, but I wanted to.
There is a solution to this problem, so don't despair.
First of all, have you consulted your MD?
Second, I suggest you talk to your husband and explain to him that you would like him to romance you and help you get in the mood.
That being said, I would make it a personal policy to NOT turn him down when he initiates sex, and to remember when you feel apathetic that you will get in the mood as you progress.
Only you know if you love him, but I've had many friends in arranged marriages (they're from India) where they have learned to love their spouse.
I think you are dealing with a lot, and you need to remember that this man married you and loves you. Tell him what you need. Men don't read between the lines very well.
God bless <><
Because in your deep subconscious, sex might have been taught as bad for you (taboo maybe)...might have to do with your father or mother when you were a child. Sex is the center of our civilization and our beings...without it we would be extinct. Most people get jobs to have enough money to meet the opposite sex to have relationships that include sex. So...do some soul searching and find out if it was the way you were brought up or something that deep down makes you resent it.
No antidepressants are not good for a sex drive. You should look into some natural therapies for depression like tryptophan or so. Also let your doctor know this. If you don't find some resolution to this...in the end it will wreck your marriage.
Well, the fact that there is very little affection shown could be part of the problem and if your husband is literally asking you, "hey, do you want to go have sex" then that's most likely part of it too.
You should talk to your husband about showing more affection twards each other by hugging, kissing, and saying "i love you!" you are afterall MARRIED!!! Talk to him about instead of asking you to have sex, have him come onto you. Or talk about ways to spice up the sex so that you want it more.
My first instict is that you have no sex drive because you dont have the feelings for him that you should, or used to. Ususally once you loose the spark you lose the drive, but first and foremost he must be understanding. Then you need to find the spark between you two and make it last. Hope this helps.
medication will do it, do it anyway to make your husband happy. plus its a good stress reliever and releases built up emotions. go get the book happiness now and try alternative therapies. walking everyday in the sunshine helps as well as take a b complex vitamin
The stress at work is probably causing your problem! Stop smoking as smoking is a real stupid thing to do. Take up Yoga to relieve your stress.