Verified answer

First of all you need to feel good about yourself. And worship your body like a temple. Have respect. This will shine through on your talking to him.

I myself have run into this situation several times and the answer I have always given and received much respect and support on is: "Look I really like you and I do feel a chemistry between us which is great. I don’t have sport sex or have sex for the just the physical act. To me it is a mind body connection. I need to wait a little while before we explore that part of whatever you want to call what we have. So let’s just see where this goes without forcing this aspect of it." Stand your ground. If he is in it for the long haul he will stick around if not he will walk away. It is all about you and how you feel about yourself and respect yourself. It took me some time to get there but I went celibate until I was strong in my convicitions.

I have read many of your posts over the last few weeks. You are obviously a very smart and talent young lady. That being said, at what point in your life do you choose to be the best you can be instead of being what others want you to be. In the psyche world, they call these boundaries. Establishing healthy "no-fly" zones. The "I am not going there for you or anyone else" places.

You had a previous question about changing friends. Is this guy one of them you should dump? Let me ask you, is his interest in you sexual only, or does he respect your brains, your concerns, your fears, your personality? Does he even have a clue you are anything more than a quick lay? Have you seen the movie Juno? If you haven't you should. If you have, then you will recognize some of the common denominators between you and her.

Holding back sex is not being a prude - it is common sense. If you let him sleep with you, how many other girls will he bring with him? STDs, HIV, etc are real risks today. When you are ready to get married, do you want to bring herpes to your husband as a wedding gift? I bet not. But unless you take care of yourself and protect yourself from the wanderlust of others, you may get more than you bargained for.

Emotional pain is another issue you address in your question. Sex changes the dynamics between a man and a woman. The man often becomes addicted and wants more and more - often throwing caution to the wind and not really caring about other elements of the relationship. The woman does not want to feel used and tries to build on the intimacy to make the relationship special, meaningful, caring, even loving - but this flies right over the head of the guy. So those are two different courses and they likely will never meet again.

So ask yourself, what do you really want out of life? Out of your relationship with a man? Do you want exercise and secrecy - or do you want health and openness? Are you into the relationship for a few days, weeks or months - or are you really looking for a lifetime commitment? Do you even believe one can exist?

Your self respect is tied up in these decisions. You have already been hurt, it sounds like. You already know what it feels like to be used. What could you have done differently? What is going to make him any different? The only thing different is how you view yourself. How you see your future. How you imagine your life turning out. Again, I say to you - you are obviously very smart. You have a lot going for you or you would not be asking all the questions you are putting up on the board. So shake your brain and answer the hard question - who are you? And who do you want to be? When you are 20 years older, with a daughter who is your age now - what do you want to tell her? What is going to be your warning and admonition? Live your legacy now. Because when you get older, you will realize you are writing your legacy every day, today. What you are doing today will become your legacy.

Happy writing.

Sit down and tell him this. Tell him that you really care about him, but that you want to just take it slow and see what happens from there. If he's really worth it, he'll understand. And you're not a prude, you just have self respect and dignity.

Ask him to tell you exactly what he wants out of the relationship. If he just wants to "get naked" to be man enough to say it. If he wants somebody to be friends and partners with then to say it. tell him what you want also and be very clear. If you can agree about each other wants then continue if not break it off.

Tell him that he's rushing you! That you want to wait till the time is correct. Pour cold water on him if you have too. If nothing else works tell him it's over.

pde

Just tell him and if he can't handle the truth move on down the line until you can find one that can.