my life completely sucks...?

im 14 in the 9th grade, and people have made fun of me cause im fat 179lbs, and im black i have ugly short brown hair and a big gap in my teeth and pimples on my face, and people think im weird cause i listen to screamo music and skateboard, ive never had a best friend or a boyfriend cause i have a boring personality , i cry every night before i go to sleep, i never go out on weekends, ive been starving my self for a week and half now and i think god will punish me if i eat, and now i have a bad cold i wanna be skinny like 70lbs cause that'll make my life easier and i wanna be a model too and i like emo/scene guys but they only like the super skinny anorexic girls i just wanna go hide in my closet forever and cry until i die i dont deserve anything in life cause im not skinny and pretty im fat and ugly i dont deserve anything good in life i wanna get help but idk where to go im scared im tired of crying and depression i wanna be happy for once in my life i wanna have a best friend i can share secrets with and a boyfriend i can love and be with and kiss and everything idk what to do help:(

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