Our kitchen stays nasty. Food all over the stove and counters, trash in the floor, dishes everywhere. So many dishes you have to wash something if you need it. I work all day. I come home and clean the living room, bathroom, front and back yard, wash clothes and just clean, clean, clean. I sweep, mop and clean everything inch of the house except the kitchen.
All I ask of my wife is to clean the kitchen. She stays home all day and plays on the internet (facebook and other stuff).
Our living agreement is "I'll work and clean everything inside and out and you clean just the kitchen."
Last light, like most nights, my wife stayed up until 4 in the morning. She played on the internet and washed (finally) a single load of dishes, which I put away in the cabinets when I woke up.
After being up for a couple hours, my wife asks how the kitchen looks. I stuttered because I didn't know what to say. The health department would kick us out if they saw it. weeks worth of food on the stove and counters, dishes piled everywhere, food and dishes in the floor, the sink covered in spilled food, etc. Just nasty.
She tells me she stayed up last night and "spent 5 straight hours cleaning the kitchen".
I know she lied. I could clean the entire house in 3-4 hours. She washed a load of dishes and claims that she spent 5 hours cleaning. I have no idea why she has gotten so lazy, but it's really putting tension between us. She acts like she has actually done something amazing and if I say anything about it she gets mad and acts like I'm crazy. I just don't understand what to do!
Update:She is not an alcoholic. Her mother is, but my wife isn't a child living with mommy. I'm not sure how that would have anything to do with how she is acting.
Answers & Comments
Okay, I'm not married or anything, but I do want to help you out in some way. I'm just going to tell you my honest thoughts, and you can take them however you want, it wont bother me. Now, when I first read this, I thought, "Why does she have to clean the kitchen?" I didn't mean that like, she shouldn't clean anything, I just thought, why that room? After all, if your wife spends a lot of time on the internet, she's probably seen all of the "Get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich," jokes. So, maybe she's not cleaning the kitchen because of that? I could be totally wrong, but that was what I thought at first. So, my first suggestion would be to ask her to clean a different room instead of the kitchen. But, don't baby her. You don't need to have her clean the easiest room. Try the bathroom. Of course no body likes cleaning the bathroom, but if she wont clean the kitchen... So, if that doesn't work out, I'd just really confront her about it. I know you said she gets mad, but it's not right to have you work all day and then slave away at home. I'm not saying that she should let you just sit on your butt and watch t.v. after you get home, maybe do the dishes or something. Anyways, don't let the confrontation become a fight. That wont help at all. Try to ease it in gently, without hurting her feelings and calling her lazy. Well, that's all I've got. I hope I helped at least a little, and if not, well... I guess that's fine with me. :3
If this is a sudden change, if she used to not mind cleaning and keeping the house tidy, it could be a sign of depression, or boredom even. When people suffer from depression they aren't exactly motivated to clean. Try talking to her and seeing if that is the case.
Otherwise she might just be bored and lacking the initiative to do something constructive like clean when she can just spend all day on the internet instead. If she's home all day while you're gone this could make her feel lonely too. I'd suggest finding something constructive outside of the house to do. Volunteering a few times a week, or a part time job with a few shifts a week. This could add structure to her day and keep her from lazing around the house all day, making her want to accomplish more when she is at home!
Also try and praise her for the little things she does do, a bit of positive reinforcement can go a long way. And don't badger her for not cleaning. If someone is constantly after me to do laundry or clean the kitchen I usually don't do it just out of spite.
She has gotten into a nasty habit of being lazy around the house, it seems. If she spends a lot of her time on the computer- then that is most likely one of the causes keeping her from WANTING to get up and do anything,
You know, you mainly hear this with regards to drugs and violence, but computers can be just as addicting as something you can physically consume. Even movies are something you can become addicted to. Being hooked to something of this sort won't nessecarily have nasty side effects, but the person who gets pulled into a certain computerized entertainment will not want to get off of the computer.
If she really enjoys doing something, like playing around on the computer and relaxing through the day, then she's not going to willing get up unless she has to. A serious issue here is that she has to step up and spend less time on the computer. You go to work, come home and clean, and she doesn't seem to pick up any slack. Her not choosing to help out your family is what is going to put the most strain on your relationship.
For someone like this- there's really not a whole lot you can do besides try and talk to the person. And if she gets mad when you approach the subject, then that is an issue with her. Not you. The best way to get along with someone is to understand how they feel, and learn to understand how they act.
Bring her into a non-home environment, where she will not feel stressed or pressured, and try to calmly discuss the issue. From personal experiences, someone who is drawn into that lazy state of mind can be very stressed by the mess around the person- and incredibly discouraged to do anything about it. I would try to talk to her again, and see if you can get her to understand the situation. Keep mind of what she says, and listen.
In a situation like this you should think as if you are not a part of the argument, in a way that you can see both sides of the story. Then you can find the best move to take from there. There's not much more I can suggest to you, but good luck to you.
I can't believe how people put up with crap like this. If I was working and wife wasn't, she'd be cleaning the whole house and making dinner every night, period!
I believe your wife is what is generally known as a slovenly pig. Dirty dishes on the floor? Who does that?
Is she an alcoholic?
Does she come from a family with an alcoholic parent?
That would explain a lot.
If she only stay in the house then, She needs to prioritize household chores and do take care of you.
I think you should talk to her about it.. tell her how you feel when she lies.. tell her it hurts you.. she may stop.. hopefully good luck ;)