Verified answer

When parents look at a guy that is dating their daughter, they naturally want someone who is going to provide for her, watch out for her, protect her, etc etc. Even if they're not consciously doing so, I think your parents are judging this younger guy as ill-equipped to take care of your sister because he is so much younger.

They may also be concerned with the fact that statistically speaking, men mature more slowly than women. This means that if you are dating an older man, your maturity levels are likely to be the same whereas if you were dating a younger man, there is big difference in maturity. Perhaps your parents are afraid that he is too immature to make a commitment and might hurt your sister. Or will eventually dump her for someone his own age, which is a fear many older women have when they date younger guys. Finally, your parents might be a bit embarrassed at the thought of your sister being labeled a "cougar", or an older woman who dates young men. It's a total double standard, but it's true that women like Demi Moore do get crap for dating young guys.

Whatever the reason, and I don't know enough of the specifics to weigh in with my own opinion, your sister should have an honest sit-down with them and address their concerns. Otherwise it will always be the big fat elephant in the room whenever she brings her boyfriend to your parents' house.

In general, I would say no, the age gap doesn't matter. Let's say you are both around 30 years old. Seven years older or younger would be all right if the relationships are mature, healthy, etc.

However, I think my answer could be better if I had a sense of how old you and your sister are.

If, by 7 years younger, you are talking about a guy still in his teens (that would make him a boy in my book) then no, that's probably not a healthy relationship, and your parents might have a legitimate beef. The difference between 18 and 25 is way more than just the 7 year chronological difference. It's life experience.

I suppose it's a bit of a double standard, but there is something slightly less problematic about an 18 year-old girl dating a 25 year-old guy. I mean, if my daughter, when she's 18, tells me she's dating a 25 year-old, I might take issue with it, but for some reason, it doesn't sound AS bad (bad isn't really the right word here) as the reverse.

Bottom line: if the men in your lives (yours and your sister's) are treating you well, are kind, loving, passionate, respectful, and basically are adults, then, in general, the age differences shouldn't matter.

We have four kids and I have always taken the position that as long as they are happy and they are not doing anything that violates their value system, I would support them. Obviously, this can be tested, but it is good rule of thumb. When we get to the grey areas, they expect me to meddle. How else we they know I love them and care.

So the question is simple - does the age of a person violate any moral code or value system in your family. Evidently it does - or they would not be upset with you sister, but not reacting to you. What is funny is that your sister is older than you. Usually, the younger sister takes the brunt of the disapproval.

But having said that - the only reason I can think of is that they feel the younger man is going to hurt her when he gets drawn a way by a young, enticing woman. I suspect they are being protective and don't trust his motives.

So the question is - is the guy trustworthy? Do you like him? Do you trust him? He is probably younger than you. So how do you feel about his motives and intentions. I happen to think sport dating is dating is a waste of time. So I encourage dating people you would marry. Not that every situation would turn into marriage - but at least you are not wasting time with a loser - someone you would never consider. Why bother?

Maybe you all need to sit down with the folks and have a heart to heart. The fact they care is endearing. So I would not look at it negatively, (I don't know that you are) but look at it as loving and they are concerned about your sister's well being. If they can be assured he is an honorable guy and that he is well intentioned - then they might be ok with it.

In the final analysis - blood is always thicker than water - even when it doesn't seem like it. So it is important to keep good relationships within the family. You can NEVER over communicate. A family meeting would be a good time to get it all out on the table and discuss it. It may not resolve the problem, but at least your parents can feel they had their chance to tell their point of view and now they can rest, knowing they were heard.

Hope this helps.

If you were both 20 and you were dating a 27 year old and she were dating a 13 year old, that may have something to do with it.

Perception is important, and many older people see the woman as subordinate, and if you are older, that puts you in a position of being superior. This conflict is why your parents act as they do...

I (a male) dated a woman once who was my babysitter 20 years earlier. It didn't work out, but it was fun.

It's hardly a matter of equating 'plus or minus' numbers.

There are no simple rules or calculable 'rights or wrongs' when it comes to human relationships - and your parents are almost certainly approving/disapproving on many other criteria - not just the age differentials.

Could be the case - your date is deemed to be a reliable, dependable sort of guy they feel is unlikely to let you down. So they don't DISapprove.

But anxious about your older sister's judgement (and perhaps past record ???) they might think she's making another mistake - with a guy they sense isn't a solid or reliable suitor.

You can only form your own views as to whether their opinions are right or wrong.

Time might prove they were wrong to approve yours - and wrong to disapprove your sister's.

As it goes.

; ))

Double standard as long as no laws are broken. It's always been fine for an older man to date a younger woman, but when an older woman dates a younger man, it's scandalous. That attitude is changing, however (cougars...what the older woman is called...are "in" now). But if your parents are from the old school, they probably still have the old school attitudes.

What are yours and your sister's ages? If you are 21 and she is 23, then I can fully understand why your parents would approve of yours but not her's.

If yours and your sister's ages are older, and she is not dating a minor, then could your parent's disapproval be from the type of guy she's dating? Maybe it's just him they don't approve of, and still would not approve if he was older than her.

If you are so upset about it, the best thing you can do is talk to them about WHY they disapprove of her relationship.

It is because the society is double standard, it is accepted that a girl to be with a much older man but not with a much younger guy. A guy can be with the much younger girl but its a different story if a girl will be with the much younger guy.

You have neglected to include your sisters age. If she is 30, that is one thing. If she is 21 that is entirely different.

If the age of ADULT consent applies with your sister and her boyfriend, there should be no problem.

Good luck