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I can relate to you. The same thing happened to me by my ex boyfriend and I did not go for my regular check ups because of it.

Earlier this year I had a diagnosis of cervical cancer, which meant that I had to be examined vaginally AND rectally, and I panicked and cried and everything. I told the nurse and she helped me calm down and she told me that the exam was not going to be abuse, but it would help me (oddly enough, right?)

The whole context is completely different from our past experiences.

If you're honest with the nurse/doctor, it would help them to handle the situation as delicately as possible. It helped me.

I'm so sorry you don't have your mother's support. Please consider seeking counselling. It's been working out great for me.

Tell your doctor exactly what you wrote here. He needs to know this, as such terrible abuse could well have caused you to have hemorrhoids in the first place. Your doc is indeed a health professional and will have a good understanding of how the abuse can affect you.

It may even be that he does not need to do a rectal exam once he understands your well justified fears, and is willing to prescribe treatment to try first without an examination. Then, if the treatment doesn't work, a rectal exam may be needed. Again, if the doctor knows, he might be able to refer you to a specialist, who will be able to give you a sedative or anti-anxiety medication.

A few tips though to help prevent this painful condition:

Avoid constipation - drink extra water, use a gentle natural laxative such as psyllium husk.

Increase exercise - getting moving will help bowel contents move through the bowel quicker and prevent the stool from drying out and becoming hard.

Above all, prevent straining and pushing too hard as this will aggravate the hemorrhoids.

Wow, that's tough.

As hard as it might be to say this, maybe you could tell him you were abused there in the past. You don't need to go into detail, but this might be helpful for him to know in case you start to panic and need to stop right away. That way you could also easily suggest anything that might make it an easier experience for you, like having your mom in the room or distracting yourself with an ipod (that's probably dumb, but it's all I can think of).

Would having a woman doctor perform the exam make you more comfortable? Maybe if the stress is too much, you could reschedule with someone else.

Good luck, I hope it's better than you think.

If it bothers you so much dont go to the appiontment. If you do go tell him exactly what you typed up there and see what he says.