I am a man in his early 20s. I've had sex many times with a couple of girls and some drunk one nighters with others. Every time I do, I am able to do it because I am either drunk, or because I've told the girl I'm with that I have sexual anxiety, she tells me that I have nothing to worry about, and I become comfortable. I've been lucky enough to have the two girlfriends be caring, understanding, and non judgemental. However, even a caring person can misunderstand a situation and make judgements about things that happen, and that's what I'm worried about for the next time I want to have sex with a girl, and I'm not drunk. What I'm getting at is that unless I'm drunk, I'm too nervous to have sex. There are no other problems with me sexually, I just have an unfounded fear of not doing it well, or not being able to do it at all. After the initial comfort level is reached, and I know that I won't be embarrassed by the girl I'm with, I'm absolutely fine. I don't have impotence problems. I'm supposedly really good in bed. But with a new girl, my thoughts race, I get paranoid, and even though I want to have sex, I'm so nervous that I can't. I know I'm opening myself up to rude answers with this question, but I'll ask anyway for only constructive answers. No religious answers, either, please.
Answers & Comments
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I wish more guys had that problem!!! You are probably better off not having sex with anyone who you are not comfortable with. I know it is popular to have sex with many partners and people often have sex before they really get to know each other, but it is really not safe and being common does not mean it is right. I hope you never get over this "problem" although it is best to avoid drunk sex with strangers also LOL Be safe, keep it wrapped up until you find a long term committed relationship and you both get checked out for everything and you are ready for babies. Since you don't have a problem when your with someone you know well and trust I really don't think you have a problem.
That really is a tough question. You are going to have to find a way (besides alcohol) to stop that train of thought when you're with someone. You don't need to be rated at sex. Most people don't have the best sexual experience when it's the first few times that they have been together. After that if the sexual encounters between the two of you continue, just find out what each other likes...communicate. If you can do good when you're drunk, that right there tells you that you can do good when you're sober. All it is, is a state of mind. You just need to think about what you're doing, not how well you're doing it. Let go!
Join the ranks of every other person on the planet.
I can't even say it's just a "guy thing" because girls get nervous too.
You're only 20 yrs old so give it time - you will become more confident.
Especially when you realize that the girls you are with are just as nervous - so they probably feel better with you knowing that they are not alone. Most girls would shy away from a guy that is way too confident anyway.
Take more time before you do it. If you just jump right into the sack and start having sex then sure you'll get nervous. Wait a little while, get to know her and make out or something before you have sex and that might ease the nervousness a bit.
You've really answered your own question: you have to achieve a comfort level with your partner. May I suggest that if you're interested in the girl, and she in you, that you don't invite her to share your bed, but that you let her invite you. You won't have to think about sex, you'll know you're welcome, and you can spend more time getting to know her. She may really appreciate that. And drinking does more to interfere with performance than enhance it.
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Just calm down. The girls are probably just as nervous as you. And you said that you're good at it! Have some confidence in yourself, you'll be fine.
Take your time with every given situation. You need to be relaxed and the girl needs to be relaxed.....it it happens, it does.....if not, just cuddle and enjoy the time of being together. God Bless.