Take the 5-10 minutes out of your day to help me please. I really really need and want it.

Ugh sorry but I going to have to go all emotional on you. OK i'm 14 and before you say "your just a kid" or "your hormones are just messing with you"...just don't say it actually.

I never really had a interest in girls before high school so I never got a girlfriend even when I was asked out once I denied.

But then I come to high school and on the first day I am mesmerized by this one girl. Shes not a model but she is the prettiest girl ever in my eyes. She is probably the smartest girl in the school. I never knew how to talk to girls so I never went up to her. I always tried to get myself to do it though. I know I would have... I just know it. But some other guy sat next to her. Hes smart, maybe one of the smartest guys, and he looks pretty good. I know a lot of girls think I look really good to though so that dosnt matter. What matters is he sat next to her before I did. And now they are obviously boy and girlfriend. I have fun at this school quite a bit and I like going to it but whenever I see them hugging I just want to die. It makes me more then just jealous, it makes me feel suicidal. I cried many a days after I saw him sit with her. And I know that he might break up with her eventually and maybe I will have my chance but I hear stories all the time of people not breaking up for all 4 high school years. I really don't know if I want to go on with life watching them together for a year much less 4. Or forever.

One of the worst things about it isn't just the fact that shes with him, its that shes happy with him. And I am glad shes happy, but I also want her to feel my pain just for a second so that she knows how much I feel for her. I don't even really know what I am typing anymore. And I know that if she does break up with him its possible he will feel the same pain I do forever. But I doubt that he loves her as much as me. I have no idea why but I feel like nobody loves anything as much as I love her. I would give anything, anything at all to be with her. The only exception is murder. I could never ever bring myself to hurt anything. I was taught to much restraint when I took tae kwon do from age 5-11. If I ever get in a fight I dont think I will even hit that hard, I am to scared of hurting somebody.

Why do I love this girl so much when I haven't loved almost anybody ever. This isn't just hormones, and this feeling isn't going away. I often look over my shoulder in class to look at the teacher or other students but most of the time it is just to glance at her.

A little bit about me by the way is that I used to never talk to anybody so I am not very good at being social. But since I got to this school I got a group of friends who I laugh everyday so much with. I make people laugh a lot during class. The reason I used to not be social at all btw is because at a old school I went to I was bullied a lot in all 3 years of middleschool. It really took away my personality, courage, and will to live. I was pretty much a dead kid at that time. But I see this girl and it just fills me with life, which quickly turns to death when "he" sits by her.

The she btw is Sequoia... and yes, I love her.

What can I do? That is the question