“ Sunrise on Trailer 69”
They manufacture minds…I’m a stat on a list.
Torn to bits in a warehouse modeled Marxist Communist.
Belts…rollers…grime…blood
Boxes fornicate boxes in a rhythmic flood.
“I’m sick of Bozeman …f’ Montana !
“You don’t exist except on maps and my scanner!”
Lifeless limbs limp…bruised and battered... minds cursed.
Everywhere scores of exoskeletons…Dante’s church.
Belts…rollers…grime…blood
Boxes fornicate boxes in a rhythmic flood.
The musical chain of supes* who are chained to numbers
Dogs that change to werewolves whenever they fall under.
Their incisors bare with each howl that attacks
As our naked ears retract like hermit crabs on their backs.
“Find the rhythm!”… So we sling boxes like pendulums
While their vampirisms fear production past sun up.
Belts…rollers…grime…blood
Boxes fornicate boxes in a rhythmic flood.
Our brain chords drift slipping a single inch…then inches
Notes of Humanisms convert into wheels, levers, and widgets.
Belts…rollers…grime…blood
Boxes fornicate boxes in a rhythmic flood.
*supervisors
“Be More Like A Worm”
"Another post," he said, "will do it
And I'll be known as a great writer."
So he wrote and got through it
Till imagery, sound, and smell became cider.
And he was confident the feedback would only confirm
His mastery of adverbs and adjectives.
But the first comment read, "be more like a worm"
So he mulled the comment over, "do I have the gift?!"
I have written about many things: dragons, witches,
Ireland , as well as two published romance novels.
A menu, ten short stories, five scripts,
countless poems, and a traveler's guide to Cabo.
"Be more like a Worm?" he continued in disbelief
But he soon realized when reflecting back on his works
What this comment was designed to mean.
As a worm's authenticity included all things earth
I have written like a worm that's never seen dirt
"No wonder all my works feel untrue!"
"I have always written like a worm sporting a bird's view."
Answers & Comments
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Seems like you're a pretty smart guy or gal, and you've got some sense when it comes to poetry. But it's also pretty evident that you're not widely read, nor practiced in the skill. If you want to get better, you still have a lot of reading to do. I suggest starting with Norton's Anthology of American Literature, then maybe also the Anthology of English Literature, if you're up to it. Whatever talent you may or may not have in poetry will remain untapped unless you start with the fundamentals and absorb them. Without a basic feel for things like meter and rhyme scheme, your work will always be groping blindly in the dark. Seems you've developed somewhat in metaphor, but not in a poetic sense. Read, read, read.
“I even have never considered or heard of this way of fish. yet i might desire to kill him. i'm happy we don't might desire to objective to kill the celebrities.” think of if each and on a daily basis a guy might desire to objective to kill the moon, he concept. The moon runs away. E. Hemingway