I am 36 years old. I have a wife that I love, and that loves me. Two cool dogs. A house. My wife and I have steady jobs. I have been depressed for over 12 years since I lost both my parents. I no longer talk to anyone in my family because of some perceived issues surrounding my parents death. Sometimes I feel like I should talk to them but i feel like I've developed ignoring them as a defense mechanism and it's been so long that it would be too awkward at this point. I have been in therapy and am currently taking meds for depression but it doesn't seem all that effective. I absolutely hate my job. It is unchallenging and boring and I am vastly underpaid. Yet I can't get myself to do anything else! I am very intelligent and talented yet I feel stuck in "the comfortable of a known quantity" even though I hate it, which is very frustrating. I see alot of my friends really progressing along in their careers, making alot of money, having kids and a family, etc. and I feel like that will never be me and it makes me sad. I want to do something that I love, something that I can make a lot more money at, something that I actually find rewarding. I feel like i have no purpose in life and I am really bored of doing the same thing over and over. As bad as I feel saying it, I don't really enjoy my wife, house, dogs, etc. like I should because I am just so bored of myself and how my life is going. I wouldn't say I'm suicidal but sometimes I just can't find a reason for existing. People say that I should find reason enough in my wife, etc. but it's not enough for me, which makes me feel even worse. I feel trapped and I don't know what to do. I'm desparate. Any advice/help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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You need to tell someone all of this. Like now, I mean it. My mom felt like this for years and she killed herself four years ago last month. For your wife and remaining families sake talk to someone.
I would talk to whomever prescribed you the depression medications and try a different one or a supplementary depression medication. Just being on a medication for depression doesn't mean it is working. Also, if you don't exercise, try it! It may help just to walk a little more outside with it without your dogs or ride a bike with the wife. Spending more time in the sunshine can help with improving your mood. Try get involved with a volunteer organization. Volunteering automatically makes you happier. Helping others less fortunate is a great way to bring a smile to your face and put your life in perspective. Personally I joined the fire department and gained a sense of self worth, learned new skills, and gained a fire department family. I am going through all of this at 23. I was on a medication for 3 years, I recently had to change to a new medication. It wasn't working anymore. I had the same feelings... Didn't care about my accomplishments, my home, my fiance, my dog, or my job. It was all me, internally being unhappy and projecting it on everything else that must be making me miserable. Though you may need a new job, finding a place to start is tough. Try indeed.com and your state website for jobs. That should get the ball rolling! I hope some of this helps.
I was going to say you sound uninspired but then I read the rest of the question and realized you've already figured that part out. I suggest putting together a resume and start applying places you think you'd enjoy better. Talk to your wife about how you feel and maybe see if she feels the same or if she too could use a little change to liven things up. Mostly I suggest looking for a new job. You don't have to be stuck there. I mean maybe it won't be years until you find a place you really want to work at but maybe the excitement of getting out there and going on job interviews and meeting new people will help a little bit. Also I strongly suggest going to or arranging a family gathering. Quite bluntly I think that will help a lot. Finding resolutions for things like that from what I've experienced have always made things better/happier. Also read more inspiring quotes! That always helps me up my mood :)
I feel that way too sometimes. But I'm not married. I would like to ask do you have guilt about your parents death. If your depression started then work backward. Also I write a lot. When I feel trapped I write about how I feel. Write letters and also depending on who those family members are if writing to them wouldn't make things worse consider that so things can be put to rest. Otherwise that will nag at you. Find a hobby, talk to your psychiatrist or get a new one if they aren't a good fit. Your medication also may need to be changed etc. Afraid to leave your job if you don't have enough get up and go right now. Make your job interesting to you if you are able or find fun things to do that won't be disruptive but benefit you while you are at work if possible. If you believe in God and have some kind of faith read Psalms New King James Version. That's a start and you need to find happiness within and be comfortable with yourself. You are with yourself everyday all day...don't feel bad when people say your wife should be reason enough if it's not. Try to talk to her about how you feel and see if she wants to do something a little different. When you wake up each day try to smile at yourself in the mirror. Just smiling helps me and I also laugh a lot. My own sense of humor. Hope you find your freedom...
You need a dream and/or goal to work towards. Something to focus on, plan for, think about and be proud of. It could be a trip, or a job you always wanted. It might be learning to do something like paint or play the piano.
Self esteem and purpose comes from things you do that you feel good about. You should also pay attention to your body and get more exercise even if it is a simple walk here and there.
You will find that no matter how big your problems seem, it is the very little things you do about it that will turn things around for you. Dare to dream and dare to reinvent yourself. If you find your wife is holding you back or making you feel small then it is time for her to go. However, more than likely you just need to tweak your relationship. You need to get your spark back. Studies have shown that people in the worst possible situations and the most horrible circumstances, who have a healthy sex life are happy anyway in spite of their problems.
You have a lot to do, but if you are doing the right things for you, it will be easy, fun, and satisfying.
A prayer or two wouldn't hurt either.
Sometimes in life we never know how lucky we are until we lose it. Maybe you just have to gone for a while from your routine life and try to go to another place where you can see others' people life. It just like your (me-time). Off for a while from your family and your work. It just to refresh your mind and give you time to take a look on what you have in life now. I think the most effective way to do it is being with the poor. The one who has nothing in this world even a member of family. People who don't have a steady job. You'll find out how great your life is compared to their. And you'll find your joy back. If you feel confuse, try to make a prayer. You always have someone to talk to and help you and He is God. He always be there watching for you but sometimes we just ignore and forget His existence. I hope this help you.
Hmmm, this is a hard main issue. First you will have to continuously be true to your coronary heart. If you're now not joyful, do anything about it. You best have one existence to live. If the love may also be rekindled, then take the steps to make that happen. If it can not, then you are only dishonest yourself and your son by way of staying in an sad difficulty. Be completely satisfied that he does care a lot for the youngster you've together. It's not fair that he doesn't well known your other three kids. He's having a rough time "mixing"...He wishes nothing to do with your earlier, his own past, however as a substitute just wishes his lifestyles with you, his son with you, and himself. Alternatively of "yours mine and ours" he is in the "ours" simplest mode! Excellent good fortune.
If I could use only one sentence to point you toward lasting happiness it would be this: True happiness can only be found in God, for only He can meet the deepest yearnings of our hearts. Let me explain.
You see, we aren't on this earth by accident. God created us, and He put us here for a reason: to know Him and to enjoy His presence in our lives, both now and throughout eternity. God even created us with an empty place in our hearts—an empty place that He alone can fill. The Bible says, "He has also set eternity in the hearts of men" (Ecclesiastes 3:11).
Whenever we try to fill that empty place with anything or anyone other than God, we are bound to fail. No matter how many things we have or how successful we are, that empty place is still there. But when we come to Christ, we discover that God loves us, and He makes us part of His family. More than that, He comes to live within us by His Holy Spirit. Think of it: God wants you to be part of His family forever—beginning now.
By faith turn to God and tell Him that you know you need Him. Then open your heart and life to Christ and ask Him to fill the empty places in your life. Jesus promised, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives" (John 14:27). Turn to Christ today and discover the joy and peace He alone can give. http://peacewithgod.jesus.net/
You say you're really hurting. At least you're feeling something.