Can you translate from Portuguese to English?

I don't want to use a translator site, because they are often innacurate in regards to sentence structure and grammar.

Please can someone translate the following song verses for me? (they are from a comedy record, so they should be pretty ridiculous.) Thanks...

Quero que esta roupa

Esta roupa seja

Limpa passed a ferro

A ferro lavada

Quando estara pronto

Precisio dela hoje

Pose pregar esta botao

Pode tirar esta

A minha roupa esta

Roupa esta pronto

Isto nao e meu, e meu

Falta qualquer coisa

Pode dar me a conta

A conta por favor

Pode apara ma a barba

Tehno de partir ja

E menina, namorada

Isto tem um buraco

Em oo vale

Dos nosso intestino

E menina

Nosso intestino

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