Hi I just need somewhere to vent. So basically I’ve recently started the Manhattan school of musics precollege. The only reason I’m there is because I got a lesson with a teacher who liked me before hand and said he’d try to get me in even though my auditioned sucked, I got through and was placed with him as my teacher. I’m constantly trying to improve and experimenting trying to do things differently with my instrument but I’m seeing no improvement and I’m so tried and upset and it keeps me up at night knowing I still can’t figure things out and everyone around me is so good and knows exactly what they’re doing and are a lot better than me. I feel so embarrassed asking questions because they’re things I should know by now as I’m in my mid teens and as someone who wants to pursue music-should REALLY be able to do! It’s so humilitating. Recently I’ve contacted a teacher and am auditioning for Julliards Pre (which I’m auditioning for and I tell people it’s for audition experience but really of course I want to get in) and I’m so terrified of embarrassing myself at the trial lesson and then again in front of the faculty because I’m just not good enough but I still want to push myself to do it. Also at the end of the year at msm we have a jury (you play in front of your instruments faculty) and they give you a letter grade. If I don’t get an A, my teacher won’t push for the scholarship I need to come back next year since it’s too expensive for my family.