Whenever I cry I feel like everyone wants to scold me. I am too sad now to stand up for my freedom to exhibit human behavior. I dont have any strength left. My mom always filled my mind with stories of her tragic life when I was young. Shes American, texan and everything and she always told me how she got it hard. My dads pakistani and he also claims he got it hard. I dont carer but she used it to justify no human. Unfortunately I was too weak, but my dad would yell at me when my mom would not, I am horrible mad to say then when I am treated nicely by someone and told its no one fault that they are sad I am shocked... Why would my mom treat my emotions less then a perfect stranger. Anyway life with them was way more then what I want to tell. I cant swallow it anymore, no one gives a **** who can handle the mess my parents made. Everyone is mean though,... so why should I expect help from the cruel outside world I dont have the energy to fight my parents admonitions anymore. Dont flame me about how hard your life was you have no Idea how much cruelty of have put with. If I cry I will peoples feelings but I am in too much pain what on gods earth is wrong with me that my I got so messed up when . All i want to do is cry but whenever I try to I here one of my family members voices say "Selfish" or "Big deal" or "grow up!" or my mother is say in a sincere voice with mocking intention deeply concealed in her about to laugh at you attitude say "Your big boy now, people are gonna see you crying and thinking your insane and come lock you up".I spent all my life behind locked doors with them.. I tried to kill myself three times, but I felt sorry for my mom. I nearly died though the other day.. I know it cause I nearly died twice before I was in the taxi, trying to escape from my past when i realized that I was all by myself. Once you realize that you suddenly cant speak your eyes close and you forget everything. I tried to ask the taxi driver for help but I realized according to my parents no one wants a sick foreigner to dye in their taxi it was raining and I did not want to die in the rain. So I just shut up, it was all I could really do. I really was all by myself,.. People would love to skin me and where whatever few feelings I have left. I am sure they would believe it was their natural right.