I do pretty well at school. Today I got top marks in my Stats assessment. When I told my Mum about my results, she just said ok, good. I got top marks in my geography assignment. I got no recognition from my Mum.
My parents are seperated, my Dad lives in a different country.
I try really hard because this is the last year of high school and I want to go to a good university.
I've tried talking to my Mum about it but all she says it 'I do appreciate you, I always tell you how well you do'
I only work hard for myself now. I've given up hope of my Mum ever being happy for me.
Is this the right thing to do? Should I wait for her to start giving me some credit?
It's so hurtful when she acts like she doesn't care.
Update:Neil- I was trying to figure how I would ask this without seeming too full of myself. I guess I failed. I live in New Zealand, and yes I've finished school for the day. It's 9.45pm
Thank you
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
Wabby,
Many people can´t show appreciation,often because they did,´t get the appreciation they needed...
The same applies to love ...Some guys have great difficulties to say:"I love you!",or" I am sorry "
You can´t change these people...
What you can do is show appreciation to others,who need it.
If your mom has a new dress,tell her it looks great on her,she looks 10 years younger.
Or give (Tell) appreciation to a nice teacher,shopassistant,person ,nobody cares about in class.
You will see many unbeleaving happy smiles!
Btw I appreciate your efforts!
take care
At first I thought you were just jerking us off because you talked about getting good marks in school, today. Then I kept reading and noticed you said "Mum", so I'm assuming you're in England, and the time difference does, indeed, mean that you probably are already out of school for the day.
I know this is long-winded, but there's a method to my madness. As I kept reading your rather long-winded question I realized you are an intelligent girl with feelings. And you seem to be a person eager to please others. Is it possible that you have put your mother on too high of a pedestal? Maybe she's doing the best she can do. This may be something you'll have to learn to accept.
In the mean time, just be the best person you can be. I remember when I was your age and I thought my parents hated me, but now that I'm 53 with teenagers, I know I don't tell them I love them and appreciate them enough. I've come to realize that, and maybe your mother hasn't, yet. Give her some more time.
Just continue to do well for YOU. You can't live your life waiting for a pat on the back, unfortunately that is life. I'm sorry your mother wasn't more responsive, but it really is her problem there isn't anything you can do about it. I often felt the same way with my adoptive Mom, even now. No matter what it's not good enough. But I have to live my life for ME not for her. Try not to be so hurt, just realize that is the way it is. You can't control it and it's her loss for not being able to share in your successes. I would write your Dad about how you are doing and maybe he can give you some support even if it is long distance. Remember you can't look for happiness for yourself by getting praise from others.
Wabby, your mother is there for you .She has had day to day struggles as a single parent that your dad does not have to cope with.She did not try to pass custody onto your father and walk out on you.She has been there for you every day in a very real and meaningful way.You are her life.When you were younger, who helped you with homework, went to parent teacher meetings,got you ready for school and pinned your work onto the fridge?These are just some of the many responsibilities of a parent that often go unrecognized in the eyes of their children.Parents don't ask for gold stars or awards gor doing their" job",they only ask your love in return. Maybe you should give your mom a big hug and kiss and tell her that you appreciate everything she has done for you.Mom's ( and dad's too) need to hear they are loved too! Take care.
i feel EXACTLY the same way! my mom is always busy doing something and when I tell her something I did great on, she just says something like well you need to improve and do better next time! Even if it was one of the best! and it really hurts! So I just stopped waiting for her to accept things that I do.
My parents aren't divorced and they blame everything on us. They fight all the time at least once everyday, and my mom says that it's our fault she can't or won't divorce. They've been fighting since I was 3.
I think you should stop waiting for her. She obviously has something else going on in her life she's trying to work out. But don't completely ignore her, just listen to what she has to say reply and go on with your business.
You shouldn't depend on your mom appoving everything you do now. You're practically a grown woman, and you should do it all for yourself! So you can grow up and have a good life!
If your Mum feels like this about you and you have the feeling that she doesn't care, seek the support from others. I know what it's like to do it alone. It never phased my Mother that my grades were superb and it seemed she always gave a thumbs up to my older brother. It often lead to resentment.
For my sanity, I take a picture and document my accomplishments. When I look back to those triumphs, I feel at rest. Sometimes it is always best to rely on yourself, other than the approval of others.
...And know that every ounce of perseverance, comes along humility, and humility builds character.
If your mum says she is happy for you, then chances are she is. Perhaps she doesn't say much more than that because she doesn't want you to get the impression that you are the best at everything.
However, if you do want more emotional support, try talking to a friend.
I think your mother does love you very much and is very proud of your grades. It's funny because my son (age 16) said the same thing about me once and I thought I DID encourage him, etc.
I'm glad you're realizing that you have to work hard for yourself and not anybody else. I have a feeling your mother gives you more credit than you realize. She just doesn't express it like you'd like her to.
i was one of the school's top student and my parents never said a word of "congratulations" or "well done".
but one thing you should know is that deep down in their heart, they are very proud of you. just that some people don't show it.
think about it, if you get low grades, would they scold you or even ground you? if they do, that means they do care about you.
do it for your future and not for anyone else. maybe next time you can encourage your kids in return. cheers!
I'm sorry that you feel unappreciated, I know what that feels like. Your mum probably is proud of you but just isn't showing it for some reason(who knows with mums?) but if she truly doesn't care which isn't likely, there WILL be someone who does.