Please read my poem "pencil"?
I tap my pencil being bored
But something catches my eye
The eyes I can't help but adore
So in the awe I lie
The perfect hue
Of blue
That I'm lost in
Seas I'm tossed in
Lips that seem to float
A reddish pink boat
But then I see her smile
Took me awhile
To realize
She knows I'm hypnotized
So I look away
A little too fast
On a random object my eyes stay
Till I get the courage to take a sweeping pass
And again our eyes meet
Smiles that greet
But I look down
At the ground
Like that's where my bravery will be found
But my nerves attack
And when I look back
The teacher has her attention
.....I get back to the lesson
And pick up my pen
Longing to look again
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This poem has improved to an `0 Yes!` degree Collin.
I might use the word `courage`, to help the rhythm, rather
than bravery` - but I`m hot `n tired, and I be nit-picking..
try it and see?
:)
8.2
A good free verse poem.
I would lessen most of the elongated
portions and condense. This can make it easier
on the reader to concentrate on your message
and make a poem stronger.
You voice your poem well, leading to a satisfying
ending.
Good composition.
Everything is seen through the write---Good Job Collin!------william
Awesome awesome... just look for some simili
Rhythms.
It ll b more interesting.
boy, you gots talent! omg if a boy wrote poetry this good about me.... hes a keeper! keep writing :D
Good