PLEASE DON'T SAY ANYTHING LIKE DON'T BE AFRAID TO BE LESBIAN BECAUSE I WILL FREAK OUT AND JUST IDK HURT MYSELF.

Okay so im 14 and sometimes i think that some girls are REALLY pretty because i kind of have low self esteem but lately i have been trying to figure out my sexuality, my whole life i have liked guys no doubt about it but i use to envy really pretty girls and i use to and still do check them out and see why guys might like them. i like watching porn but lesbian porn turns me on more i just like the way it appears to feel good, I am sooo obsessed about it and i am going into a depression thinking about it because idk where it came from, i guess that in the back of my mind i have always judged girls or would be afraid of becoming gay that i would obsess about it but then i just got over it but now it just seems that i freak myself out by saying NO YOU LIKED THEM, when i know that i didn't or maybe i did ><,!! and i use to question myself alot while i was in middle school because of how much i liked lesbian porn, but i never had girl crushes i just envied them and wished to be like them or their friends becuase i was kind of a loner, but now that i am so obsessed about it i think that every girl i see that they are hot and that i might be attracted to them but idk because i haven't really felt like that before its just been since i started obsessing about it that i feel like that and then when i see a cute guy its like i always question if i like him or not so much to the point that i feel nauseated from being so confused!!!! I feel like i may like girls or attracted to them because i always get the image of lesbian porn in my mind, but on the other hand i still like guys but lately my interest has dropped due to obsessive thinking about my sexuality, ? i mean i can imagine myself kissing or getting F.U.C.K.E.D by a girl because i would like to have sex with somebody im always horny thinking of porn lol but i cant imagine living and marrying a girl but then sometimes my mind plays games with me and forces me to imagine kissing a girl or getting f'd by them!! i like guys alot but lately since my interest in them have dropped a little i get more obsessed and i get scarred. i can totally imagine myself loving and living my life with a man. i sometimes fall asleep thinking of guys lol but now it seems that i am stressed about and sooo confused about my sexuality that i feel that maybe in the future these feelings about some girls will grow and i will see that i was denial or something but i didn't actually like girls i just admire them but my mind gets distracted and says yea they're hot you like them but i dont i just envy ??! im confused. what do you think is up with me?