I don't even know if I have a mental illness or if it's from all the bad stuff I had in my life or a mental illness developed from it. I was bullied severely from age 12 forward. All through my adult life too, not as bad as it use to be but not great even now with name calling, mocking, gossiping, looking to cause me trouble, and ostracizing which is the story of my life. . My father abandoned me and my siblings after divorcing my mom and my mom was a nervous wreck working all the time and struggling to provide, made sure we always lived in a decent area , and had food , clothes and everything we needed. Since childhood I have been withdrawn, and not one to make friends easily. But we moved constantly too. I was so close to my mom as a child and young adult. Later on my mom and I did everything together and she we would share a car, bills and everything, went out to the movies and out to eat together. She seemed like she was living through me. Things eventually got ugly when I finally wanted some of my own independence, and this is as a grown adult, not teen. My mom and I began to fight constantly, keep in mind I was being badly bullied at jobs and in public places constantly, too. I started to try to commit suicide and would end up in the hospital. I was very angry, and had major mood swings. Very withdrawn and started to feel numb and not have any feelings of much towards anyone. I get really emotional and upset and angry .. GP's say bipolar?

I also had thoughts of hurting those who hurt me and wishing harm to them. Like hurting them and wishing them death from ruthlessly harassing me

when my mom died from a illness I hardly cried or felt anything but than off and on I would break down as if the feelings were buried very deeply but I am mainly numb now