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When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here? Billy Connoly

Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them. Dick Van Dyke

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Fred Allen

A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted. Author Unknown

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. Attributed to Arthur McBride Bloch

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. Charles Schulz

Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. George Ade

An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault. William Castle

Without geography, you're nowhere. Author Unknown

Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad. P.D. East

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Author Unknown

A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him. Sir Winston Churchill

Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years. Author Unknown

Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit. Bill Maher

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Unknown

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards. Mark Twain

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. Unknown

God's last name is not "Dammit." Unknown

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying. Oscar Wilde

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. Oscar Wilde

A line is a dot that went for a walk.Paul Klee

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Robert Bloch

Have a nice day! :)

Senior Quotes Ideas

First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.

- Leo Rosenberg

You've heard of the three ages of man: youth, middle-age, and "you are looking wonderful."

- Francis Joseph Spellman

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

- Lucille Ball

A lot of people my age are dead at the present time.

- Casey Stengel

A sure sign of old age is when you hear "snap, crackle, and pop" and it isn't your cereal.

- Robert Orben

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

- Rita Rudner

If sports are supposed to be good for you, how come athletes are over the hill at 31?

- Bill Vaughan

My ankles crunch, my knees crunch, my stomach gurgles constantly. I'm not getting older--I'm getting noisier.

- Bob Hope

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

- Ellen DeGeneres

A man has reached middle age when the girl he winks at thinks he has something in his eye.

- Franklin P. Jones

By the time a man can afford to lose a golf ball--he can't hit that far.

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By the time a man can read a woman like a book--he's too old to start a library.

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By the time most men learn how to behave themselves--they are too old to do anything else.

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By the time a man finds greener pastures, he also finds he can't climb the fence.

- Irving Scheel

Don't worry about getting old. It's better to be over the hill than under it.

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I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

- Bob Hope

previous age ain't for sissy's. Napolean Dynamite, I observed some years decrease back, are you asking elder seniors or college seniors ? yet another quote i like is.... One useful dream is worth 1000 unfavorable realities by technique of Adeline Yen Ma

"Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit." -Oscar Wilde

I wish I had used this one.