Verified answer

What you hate the most is what you need to do to recover from the state you're in and grieve in a more healthy way.

You're describing agoraphobia, I've been there and it's alot of work and takes tremendous courage to overcome it, but the alternative is complete isolation, living in fear, paranoia, depression, insanity and suicide attempts. For some reason, we need other people in order to function and stay sane.

You can begin by forcing yourself to look in the mirror every day, make eye contact, and say hi to yourself - it works but it takes time, just keep at it and don't quit. You will probably feel revulsion at first, that's normal, but keep at it.

And make an appointment with your family doctor or a psychiatrist, you can do that today; they'll diagnose you, get you some medicine, and they can help you get into counseling. You need to step outside of your comfort zone every day... before you're paralyzed with fear and have to be carried out. You can do it. I did.

You feel vulnerable & exposed. Who wouldn't? You have had a lot of major crisis all at once, and at a very young age. You really must get some psychological help right away! None of this is "your fault" but you gotta deal with it. With a little Professional help, you can get through this.

You should go see a therapist, they can help a lot. Trust me.

Wish you well.

You need some counseling, quickly. A combination of medication and counselling can work wonders. Please give it a try!