does any one have any tips for improving your social confidence?
i have always been quite shy ans socialy anxious but i want to begin overcoming my problem. does anyone have any tips on how to start and how to progress?
thanks!!
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Im in the exact situation as you. and I also want to overcome it.
1. find out more about yourself:
Go to the website below, and for free register and take the test to learn more about yourself--it can be quite enlightening. The test has been around for decades and is commonly used by psychologists and counselors generally.
http://kts2.personalityzone.com/user/reg...
Once you've taken the test, AND have your 4-letter personality/temperament designator, go here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/myers-brigg... and scroll down to the paragraph titled: "Type dynamics and development" and look to the right at the rectangle titled "The Sixteen Types" and find your four-letter type and click on it, and read about yourself! If you answered the questions on the test honestly and accurately, you'll be amazed at how well you're described!
2. If you are introverted, realize that this is ok--I'm strongly introverted and have done well in life. Nothing wrong with it. It does mean, however, that you have to work some on gaining that social confidence. So, practice getting more comfortable gradually, with small groups, one or two or three other people. Start with people you know, then slowly extend that to others, less known. I was extremely shy in high school but in the many years since I have spoken in public to large audiences, I have been married, and I am a grandfather. But knowing you are introverted (assuming I'm right and you are), you should not expect too much of yourself too fast--and you'll probably never be a "party animal." That's not a problem. Perhaps you're not meant to be!
3. Buy this book, read the initial chapters, learn the powerful tools in it (Cognitive therapy)--it will help, IF you will DO the written exercises, which are not hard but take some work.
http://www.amazon.com/Ten-Days-Self-Esteem-David-B...
Things I did to improve my self-confidence:
Learned Spanish. Studied other foreign languages.
Learned the Greek and Latin origins of words.
Learned perfect grammar and spelling.
Learned how to touch-type.
Learned to play the piano and guitar.
Went to Europe twice.
Got into Mensa.
Ran a BBS.
Got a Firebird. The girls love it!
Took karate and got a black belt.
Learned manners and how to be polite; how to act in every situation.
Exercised.
Got a bad-*** laptop and learned how to use it.
Did a bang-up job at work and earned everybody's respect.
I swim.
I bicycle.
I also had a job once where I talked to company presidents and quality managers (Small machine shops, mostly, but hey.)
I also collect rocks and have my collection at my current job. Everybody is impressed with my collection!
Obviously, this didn't happen overnight. I have a life philosophy of constant self improvement. I'm 47 now, but I still have room to grow.
Good luck!
You just have to be proactive and make yourself do things you wouldn't normally do. I also had that problem at one time. But just like anything else, the more you do it, the more comfortable you will begin to feel. Like going to the grocery store alone, taking a class and starting a conversation with the person next to you. Look up books on the art of small talk.
The main problem with lack of confidence is that you think you are not as good as others around you!
Others have faith in their own abilities and attractiveness, you have to respect your unique self a lot more.
Everybody has valuable contributions to make to society, but not everybody knows it, including you! Forget your fears of non acceptance, throw them away and contribute!
Don't be arrogant, be self deprecating in a jokey way and you will gain respect from your peers.
Be interested in others, without being nosey or overbearing, give them space and be a good listener.
Most of all, don't try too hard or be false, be yourself and respect others..... then it will be returned!
Just remember, underneath, they could be as uncertain as you. Imagine them naked and smile, but don't tell them why!!!
I guess to start with you will be most comfortable around people that you already know, so start socialising with them. Instigate conversations to start things off........
Another good hint would be who ever you are out with and you are not feeling confident talk about the other person, invite them to tell you about themselves and interests...Everybody loves to talk about them selves lol
Good luck, you really do have nothing to loose, just chill and go with the flow.
:)