Judge my poem, tips appreciated?
words are the most destructive force on earth
words are powerful, they destroy worlds
shift continents
Words build civilizations and then proceed to obliterate them
words are lethal in the wrong hands
They forged society
words have the unstable energy of ten billion super-nova stars; colliding galaxies
they are used to protect; the shield of 10,000 men
they say that the pen is mightier than the sword
The world has no room for another
tyrant
another
dictator. warlord. corrupt politician
it has no life left to offer, no sustenance for cheaters
Killers...
every person on earth has been graced with the most powerful force in the world
use it. change it.
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I like this...but your style changed for a few lines in the middle; it broke the hard-running flow. Also the periodic capitalization breaks the flow a bit.
Don't get me wrong, I think this is wonderful! I'm just looking at your work as many look at mine. This is a great read...with much strength behind it.
My love is gone for you mommy, you could ride in hearses
I'm sick in the brain dumb *****, can you nurse this?
You told me life would never, ever, ever get this perfect
Then you smoke a J of weed, and take his kids to the churches
Uh, **** church, they singin' and the **** ain't even worth it
In the choir, whores and liars, scumbags and the dirt, *****
You told me God was the answer
When I ask him for ****, I get no answer, so God is the cancer
I'm stuck in triangles, lookin' for my angel
Kill me with a chainsaw, and let my balls dangle
Triple six is my number, you can get it off my Tumblr
It honestly doesn't sound like a poem to me...
But I think it's good!
My one suggestion would be to eliminate or change the second line because it sounds almost exactly like the first.
Good Job!
I tried yelling at Iceland to scare it away from europe, but unfortunately it's still at the same goddamn place.
Words don't ruin things. People do.