i've been pulling apart, the blood inside of me has been draining me exhausted. each dribble stings so much that i no longer even want to scream for release..

my bf, he doesnt have a clue how painfully paradoxical i am feeling right now. i've been stayin' in this city really long enough that i can barely take it to live for another month, today i finally got to know that i stand a chance to get a job outside, and it's pretty far from where i'm living. i was really thrilled for the news, but later when i called him on the phone he threw me such sh*tty attitude and gave me reasons on why i shouldnt go and all, such as i'll get paid little over there, i f*cked up the relationship with others at mostly every job i used to have, and the long distance we're going to keep then... he was right, and most of all i'm so broke that i cant even afford to take the bus to somewhere in this city.. BUT, i've been hating this place and everything around for so many years, i'm beat. no excuses. i'd been trying to explain it to him, but guess we're both tired and sick to hear it again..

i dont know what im supposed to do. i dont want to do something to get regret about, and i surely dont want to be complaining myself later that how come i didnt reach out when it was all in front of me. help...thx...