My boyfriend and I hardly ever have sex. He kisses me and hugs me and tells me he loves and respects me but when I try to iniate sex he always resists. He's not religious or anything and he even tends to have a potty mouth and is very outspoken about different topics. Well when I asked him why we never have sex he says because he sees me as more than just sex. That's great but even in great relationships every couple still has sex. I don't know if he's not confident enough or if he could be cheating but I don't think its the second one because we always hang out but when we do we just watch tv and he likes doing that kind of stuff more with me than having sex. It gets frustrating because sometimes I want to be intimate. I found a bunch of porn on his computer too of raunchy videos varying in culture. I asked him if he's into that stuff and that's why we don't have sex. He got mad and said no and that's he loves having sex with me but he never does. I don't know what's going on with him? Like there's something he's not tellling me?
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
He could:
-be insecure about having sex
-have a hormonal/medical issue
-be depressed or tired or lazy.. porn takes a lot less effort than sex
-be numb from all that porn
-be somewhat asexual.. some people like to be romantic and cuddly, but don't enjoy sex
Most healthy people like sex, and younger guys usually have raging hormones. From what you say, it doesn't really sound like he's cheating, but he's the only one who can answer what the real problem is. Maybe if you approach him in a way that he doesn't feel attacked, he'll be honest with you?
Several possibilities going by the information I get here.
Some sort of overload issue is possible. He simply doesn't enjoy it that much.
He's a bit asexual, not every person is sexually loaded.
Some people with aspergers enjoy some stuff plainly more and find sex after a while plain boring.
Also, he doesn't always have to initiate sex. If I were you I would dress up, drag him to the bed and get going.
He might have ED...? And the porn could be him trying to get hard but it's not working...?
That or he feels like you're forcing yourself to initiate intimacy and it makes him feel bad because he thinks you don't truly want to.. Or makes him feel less in control and guys like to feel powerful so..
He wants to show u that he doesnt just want u for sex when he wants to he will just ask if you can have it