Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 1/2 years. We have GOOD sex on a regular basis (4-5 times a week) and it never gets old. I am a very attractive woman and every time we are in public...some random guy will remind him of this..so its not like he is not attracted to me. I'm not conceited at all, and fairly modest of my looks but I just wanted to inform you guys for the purpose of answering the question. Anyway, my boyfriend looks at porn EVERYDAY! Same site...bangbros.com..or assparade.com..he is obsessed with big asses. I have an OK ***...not gigantic..but not small either. This is hurting my fukkin self esteem, because he watches it E-V-E-R-Y-DA-Y!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dont know what to do..sometimes Ill wake up and catch him watching it right next to me..and when he does..if hes using MY computer..he will delete the history because he KNOWS i get mad..but on his own computer..he leaves it on. Theres not one day that doesn't go by that he doesnt look..what is the problem?
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harmless. The problem is not with him... It is with you. Why is it such a bid deal that he looks at porn? It's not like he is with any of the porn people... IT IS AN IMAGINARY WORLD FOR HIM!
The problem comes in that you are a jealous type. You seem to have to have all his attention.
You can not change someone elses behavior. You can only change your own behavior.
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If its used in fun, or not that often and the person watching it, is into porn, then I don't see a problem.
But your boyfriend seems to have an obsession with it. I find it okay to look sometimes, but NOT all the time, every day, when you wake up, before you go to sleep, on your computer, your girlfriends' computer, ect.
I suggest that you confront him about his little fetish, and ask why he feels the need to obsess over these asses/other women, when he's got a great one right in front of him, that loves him and would do anything to please him? If he can't admit that he has a problem, maybe you should try to get him some phsyciatric help to get through to him, that, that much pornography is NOT healthy! And maybe then, he'll come to his senses.
I'm a single male and even I don't look at porn EVERY day, so it's possible that you could consider that an addiction.
Whether that's harmful at all is debatable - I think most likely it's completely harmless unless it creates a practical problem. (A PROBLEM porn addiction is much the same as a problem sex addiction, it's where he lets it get in the way of the rest of his life to extent that its damaging him or in this case possibly the relationship.) As far as NOT looking at porn AT ALL goes, I'm not aware of a man that does it! All my male friends who are perfectly happy in their relationships still look at porn (frequently).
I don't think I'm the first person to say it but possibly you do need a compromise. If you told him to stop looking at porn altogether then there is no chance that he would, he'd either refuse saying that it's unfair and pointless or just be more secretive about it. Either learn not to mind at all or more realistically tell him why you don't like it and discuss it with an open mind until you're both happy.
Cut through the crap -- porn is an addiction. Sex triggers a chemical response in the brain that becomes very addictive. I can't quote off the top of my head all the data that backs it up, but it's there.
Talk to you boy about cutting back... or finding activities you can do together.
Now I didn't say porn is bad... and apparently you are reaping the benefits, too! Sex 4-5 times a week shows that you are both still enjoying a healthy sex life. This will sound... bad... but, if you have it more frequently, do you think he'll cut back on the porn?
Also, do you watch it with him? Because that would be feeding into the problem, if you really want it to stop.
Porn is not harmless. It is a fantasy world where all taboos are considered to be OK. For some this is just a chance to be curious. For others it becomes an obsession which can effect their own reality when it comes to their relationships. It can make a person that is addicted to porn think things are accepted or expected in their relationships that are not normal and that may upset their partner. Think about it you wouldn't be asking this question if it didn't concern you about your relationship.
If he knows that it upsets you but continues to look he is a porn addict. I don't think that it is harmless at all. If he has any feelings or respect for you he will stop looking at it. I think he wants you to catch him at it otherwise he wouldn't be looking at it while you are right there. Any chance that he is hoping you'll get mad enough to dump him? I wouldn't put up with it, you don't say if this has been going on for the entire 3 1/2 years or it is just recent. Time he made a commitment, he needs to respect your feelings and give it up or break up with him if he is that addicted to porn.
In my personal experience I watch porno and masturbate to things that I would never do in real life. This may be the case with him as well.
The fact that you guys have awesome sex 4-5 times a week shows he's very interested in you. (If he masturbated to porno constantly and you had sex once a week it'd be more of a concern.)
If it still bothers you talk to him in a completely non confrontational way. Tell him that you feel you may not be measuring up. I would suggest watching a porno with him and have him tell you what he likes about it. Maybe the girls remind him of you. Either way it's fun to watch porn with your guy.
Orrrrr.... if you're not comfortable with any of the above just tell him you feel a little bit insecure about it and just ask him not to watch it next to you. And then don't go through his internet history.
I think and know porn hurts a relationship. When you are in a relationship, you should be faithful and true to your partner, and although with porn you aren't actually meeting the other person, your thought and actions are betraying your partner.
Men are visual creatures, and get turned on that way, but that is not an excuse to do that. It is easy to say its no big deal, or just a habit, or that it has nothing to do with his partner. It takes a real man to not look at porn but instead find real fulfillment in a relationship!
Sounds like a problem to me. Particularly with the sneaking and lying. He obviously isn't the marrying type because of his lack of respect for woman.
You say you have been dating for 3.5 years....why? Are you dating to find a suitable lifetime mate to be the father of your children or are you dating just to have a boy toy? If this guy was really interested in you as a partner, he would have already made you one.
Please don't tell me you guys are shacking up. If so, that makes you an unpaid prostitute and shows his total lack of respect for you. I am sure you have heard the saying, why buy the cow when the milk is free.
Honey my boyfriend does the same thing. We have sex at least 3 or 4 times a day it just means he a nympho. He loves sex. I have at nice *** but my boyfriend loves to look at women with gigantic asses. My self-esteem was shot for a moment. But I am his fantasy. There is nothing that those girls can do on those movies that I won't do so I mean girl build ya confidence up you know your attractive dont worry about it. But if it really bothers you and you feel like its worth it get a *** implant its about 5 thousand or they have butt pads to make your *** look bigger that will turn him on and distract him from the porn.