I've gotten myself into a sticky situation. I met this girl in my college. I had to do a makeup lab, and she did also, so we ended up being partners for it. She's a very smart, nice, shy, and quiet girl. We ended up going over our lab out of school, and we started hanging out a bit more in our large lectures.
After a month or so, we ended up sleeping together. I feel bad because I did sweet talk my way into it, and I know I was her first, and she's definitely not the girl that just sleeps around. I know she was probably hoping for it to be with a husband. The real issue is that she's pregnant. She told me she's keeping it, didn't expect anything from me, and just thought that I had the right to know. She's been avoiding me ever since she told me.
I'm sure she knows that I do party once in awhile, the type of friends I hang out with, and the girls I've dated. She's the girl that would rather stay home and read. People would see us as two completely different people. I'll admit that my friends have been a bit rude/mean to her, making jokes. I do feel horrible about everything. I know I have ruined her life by getting involved with her (I know she wants to go to med school).
We're both 21, and although this was never our plan, I do want to be there for her and the baby. It's not like she got pregnant on her own. I really like her. I wouldn't say that I'm in love with her, but I can definitely see that possibility. I'm willing to tone down my lifestyle for her and the baby. It's just that she's not letting me into her life.
I know that me being in a fraternity gives her a bad impression about me, but I'm willing to drop all of it. I'm also willing to take less classes, so that I can watch the baby and have her finish school. And just to clear things up, I never talked to her just to sleep with her. I'd like to be in a relationship with her, but if she doesn't want to be in one with me, I definitely don't want to force it upon her.
How do I talk to her about this when she's avoiding me?
Sorry for the long story and any help/advice is appreciated.
Answers & Comments
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She's probably very angry at herself for letting this happen and wishes that it didn't which is why she is avoiding you. And since you are in a frat she probably has a preconceived opinion of you and doesn't have very high expectations so she thinks she will be better off doing it alone. Try proving her wrong by showing her you can be helpful and a great person in this babies life. Don't give up and just decide "oh she doesn't want me in their life I won't be" try and show her you really want to be. Ask to go with her to her ultrasound appointments and buy little toys and/or clothes for your future son/daughter and act very excited about it. Try spending more time with her. Maybe getting a job if you don't already have one so she sees you are trying to help. And absolutely quit partying!!! Best of luck and congratulations on your soon to be son/daughter! :)
Share these sentiments with her. If she will not speak to you in person, then send her a letter, not e-mail, and tell her this. If she returns the letter, then find an inexpensive lawyer or paralegal to send her a letter stating your intention to provided financial support for the child and making her a marriage offer if that is how far you wish to go. Drop out of the fraternity and stop partying. Let her see that you are actually changing your life style. Do not drop out of college before the two of you have come to an agreement on how things will be handled.
Try and talk to her. it sounds like you're a very nice person and tbh this girl wouldn't have slept with you if you weren't. I think you really need to both sitdown and talk though everything. Maybe text or message her saying you want to help her as much as possible and then see what she says back. It may take time for her to talk to but by being there it shows how good you are.
If this doesn't work maybe some big guester to show that you care could help. Im sorry this happened but I'm glad you're trying to make this right you need to really. But you're caring as shown by this. I think this may help. :) and good luck
YOU HAVE to go find her and tell her all of this that you just told us. you have to. that you just need 10 minutes of her time face to face. there's no other way. i wouldn't let another day go by without taking care of this. i promise you, it won't be as awkward as you're probably making it out to be inside your head.
she might be so scared and fragile right now, that's why it's easier for her to avoid you. no matter what the outcome is, you just need to go find her and say what you've got to say. if she feels like speaking, she will. she may need to process what you say, and then she'll contact you to speak again.
i'm not talking down to you when i say this... but if ever one time in your life was the time to Man Up, now is that time. so go Man Up.
best wishes. you need to go speak with her in the next 24hours
Man, you did her wrong. She's going through a BIG adjustment right now because she went from being a solitude, peaceful girl to PREGNANT. Just keep looking for her and tell her your intentions, that you really do like her. I do hope it works out between you two. It's going to be so hard for her if you don't work this out together. Tell her if she wants to go get counseling together at a church. Pray, Liam for God to guide you. God bless.
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That sucks man but it looks like its time for you to man up drop the partying for a while and help her with your child, its your responsibility as a man. Do whatever you have to do to make this right.
for the talking to her, she might think you want nothing to do with the kid make it clear to her that your prepared to do whatever you have to do, basically tell her what you said in this post
Tell her exactly what you've told us. If she won't hear you out, write it down and send her a letter. Good luck.